


All I want is just you and me

by cookiekenaline



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bonding, Cheating, Episode Top Gear (UK) s17e01, F/M, Family Drama, India special, Indian Character, Kinda porn sometimes?, Relationship Problems, kinda slow burn, oh the angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:46:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3463181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiekenaline/pseuds/cookiekenaline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The main character meets the three “Top Gear” men when they are traveling through India, doing the Christmas special. Out of sympathy and a good heart, Hammond saves her. They start a friendship off-camera and in the end he takes her from her old life back to England. Something she wouldn’t even dream off. But not everything is a dance on roses. Hammond is married since 10 years and has two daughters, aged 9 and 11. What will they think about the situation? Will his wife, Mindy accept that Hammond saved her from the goodness of his heart or will she suspect that there is more than just friendship behind the scenes? Will the two women, born in two entirely different parts of the world, become friends? Where will she live? How is she going to cope with this new world? And what will happen to their friendship in the end? Will it burst into flames and die out a Mindy doesn’t like her? Or will it turn into a fiery hot passion filled with love and compassion?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kamathipura

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ya'll! This is my first fanfic on AO3 (so please be gentle ;) I've been working on this for about 5 months and just now (finally!) found the courage to put it up here for the public to read.  
> This fanfic will be in three (maybe four) parts.  
> 1\. Stay with me  
> 2\. Hold me  
> 3\. Love me  
> 4\. Be mine  
> The first part is in 10 chapters and the second in 20.  
> I want to really, really point out as the story continue that I love Mindy Hammond, absolutely adores her (and have done from the first time I read about her) But the story had to go on and... well, you'll see how it will all end up :)  
> I've read basically all Mindy's columns in "express" (http://www.express.co.uk/) to make the story as accurate as I could with the timeline and characters involved.  
> Please correct me if you see any mistakes! Thank you for reading! Much love!

..........

I’d lived in the red-light district Kamathipura in Bombay for 4 years now. Well 4 years and two days. I’ve sold my body since I was 15 to make money after my parents died in a car accident. My house is a shed next to near a thousand copies and I share it with two other girls, one is 17 and the other 23. Both got here last week, transported from China by an anonymous buyer, like so many others. I don’t even know their real names. My own name is Aradhana Vasanti. I was born in spring nineteen years ago. My hair is black, curly and cut just above my shoulders. I have green eyes and medium olive skin, neatly plucked eyebrows and full lips. 

I woke up with the sun as usual. My two roommates were still gone out somewhere since last night. They both had their own rooms, just like I did but those as I just said, now stood empty. I got into the last room and used the combined toilet and shower (where we could basically just dump water over our heads and scrub away as much filth as we could with our fingernails behind a curtain) before getting putting on a cropped top made of orange weaved cotton and a pair of purple harem pants, also made of weaved cotton.

I went out, the sun stinging my eyes and made me blink. It was a hot morning, not a cloud in the sky as far as my eyes could reach. It looked like it would be a good day. I greeted my neighbor who’d been here longer than me. She was 25, beautiful and the one who’d taken me under her wing when I first got here. We chatted about the weather and as usual agreed on whoever made most money would pay next meal. Money was a big problem; we never had much at all. Our clients never booked us; they just showed up whenever they felt like (They pay for experience, never a regular prize and almost never good enough) 

We were just in the conversations about what we most wanted to eat (like you usually do when you feel like your stomach hadn’t seen food for two days) when a man approached us. He was obviously a customer or he wouldn’t be at our district at all. He was sweating heavily, standing about 1, 70 cm above the ground and wearing the majority of his weigh in fat. I recognized him. He was American, here with his Greenpeace minded wife on honey moon. I didn’t know what her profession in the question was but if she fought for equality she did a piss poor try of making a change in India. I did know though that either she was very ugly or she was far too active in her organization. I’d met him 8 times already just this month. 

“Hello… um… beloved”

He said, licking his lips. I put on my best flirty smile and greeted him before leading him inside to my bed. I stretched out my hand to take the payment he was handling me, put it in a jar under the nightstand before slowly undressing. His big fat chin wobbled when he gulped at the sight of my naked body and his small eyes got dark with lust. He was old, probably older than 65 and I seriously couldn’t figure out how he ever got married. 

I tried to discretely close my eyes to the disgusting sight in front of me as I lied down on the bed, pulling the man with me. But he didn’t notice. His eyes and thick, sweaty hands were roaming my thin body. Deep grunting noises came from his throat as his fingertips touched my nipples. I placed my hand in the gray hair and pulled, the show was on and I forced my body to react to his touching. 

I went into another fantasy, where I didn’t get raped every day. I thought about all the things I wanted but knew I could never get. Sweat and musk drenched me as he went down on me, eager to please. He was one of the easy ones. One of those who didn’t care what happened as long as they felt that they dominated a body. One of those that worshipped and played around. Which, in all honesty, made me want to puke. I might as well be made out of plastic. 

The first deep licks in my lower region made my body react though and I let out a bigger and faker moan than necessary. The man groaned louder and I spread my legs to give him better access. He pushed his tongue in and out and I was almost enjoying it when all of a sudden two fat fingers pushed inside of me. His fingernails clumsily scratched my inner walls and I quickly pressed my hand over my mouth to muffle a cry.

“Sorry, I just have to, we’re going back tomorrow and I can’t go without being inside of you” 

I swallowed deeply and pushed back the tears that threatened to well up in my eyes before asking.

“Condom?”  
“Yes, of course… I’d never hurt you beloved”

‘Oh you already have’ I thought before bracing myself as the man lined himself up.  
It hurt. God, it hurt so much. But I put on a fake smile on and made my soft cries of pain sound like moans of pleasure. He finished just a minute later and was out of the shed after kissing me goodbye. 

I vomited in the toilet as soon as he left.  
Four other customers came in my bed that day. All from different parts of the world.  
That was my day, every day. All the time.  
When night fell and I’d washed my face and hands, I sat down outside. The stars were shining alongside the moon and since our district wasn’t very keen on electricity, no lamps were lit to steal the light from the sky above. My two roommates were still gone, my neighbor had joined a few others to buy food and I was all alone. 

I wondered if something had happened to my roommates. Sometimes when we girls follow our customer’s home or to another location, even the simplest moments can get really ugly, really fast. That’s why I stayed where I was. The safest place I could be...

I sat there in the darkness, just watching the stars, just thinking for a few minutes. But the air was getting too chilly for my short shirts and loose pants. I was just about to walk back into the shed but got interrupted. Three men were walking down my quarter, talking English fast and inaudible. Customers? I took a step forward into the dim light of a streetlamp next to my neighbor, leaned against the wall of her shed and greeted them with a faint smile.

“Gentlemen, are you lost?”

I asked when they were walking past my shed. I didn’t mind three at once (if they were gentle) that meant even more money for food next time we could buy it. But when all three heads turned to look at me, confusion was displayed in their faces. They didn’t look like they were looking for a whore. They didn’t even look like they wanted to be in Kamathipura at all. 

“Actually yes, can you speak English?”

One of them asked with a surprised expression. 

“Relativity”

I answered with a shrug, arms crossed against my chest. I’d learned English since second grade in school. My family had been one of the richest in Bombay but when they died and my big brother was the one earning everything from the family empire since he was of age, there was no reason for me to be there anymore. I’d never had a good connection with my brother and he threw me out as soon as he could. 

“Good”

The same man answered. He was tall, about 1.80 with ash-blonde/grey hair and blue, slightly dimly grey eyes and a kind smile. The other two was shorter. The one standing in the middle had dark grey almost shoulder long hair and blue eyes. His eyes were watching me with precaution and slight worry. The shortest, which also seemed like the youngest, had brown short hair and brown eyes. He gave me a big gentle smile, one that you gave to small children and animals to let them know you weren’t going to hurt them, a smile I was used to get. The corners of his eyes wrinkled when he did so and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“We’re only looking for a cheap place to buy a beer… do you know any?”

The tallest said, placing his hands on his hips and gave me a smile. I gave them a surprised look. That was not what I’d expected at all and before I could stop myself I let out a splutter of chuckles.

“Eh... sorry… but you three are in the entirely wrong part of the city. This is the red-light district”  
“The what?”

They asked at the same time, clearly confused.

“Umm…”

I got uncertain. What was going to happen when I told them they were talking to a whore? Some people had actually gotten aggressive when they’d realized what I did for a living. Like I’ve shamed them or cursed them. I took a step back towards my own shed and said carefully, the smile that’d played on my lips just before was gone now. 

“The whore district… you know? Prostitution?”

A few seconds passed before their eyes got big as saucers. I took another step, afraid that they’d hit me or hurt me in any other way now when they knew what I was.

“Oh God”

The brown haired said and placed a hand over his mouth before looking at me from top to toe.

“God, we’re so, so sorry”

I raised my eyebrows and took another small step. Why are they apologizing? I tried to put on a smile and gestured up and down the lanes of sheds and smaller houses that people slept or fucked in at the moment.

“Well, I’m not the only one. This quarter hosts thousands of sex sellers. I’m just one of many”

Shock made all three men do a grimace like they’d just saw someone got badly hurt or bitten down a lemon.

“No no no, that’s not right. Don’t say that. Jeremy… is it even legal?”

The brown haired sighed before looking at the tallest.

“Well yes, India actually has a few of these districts. I never even imagined to completely stumble into one though”  
“But…”

The brown haired looked at me, his fingertips resting on his bottom lip while he shook his head in utter belief. I could only do a small shrug, like saying ‘it is what it is’. They seemed to express sadness but I kept backing away, slowly but surely.

“Can’t we do anything?”  
“Like what? Take her with us?”

The middle, grey haired one answered.  
The brown haired looked at the tallest (Jeremy?) again who looked back with a face blank of emotions. Silence took over and I wondered if I should say something. Objectify or question. But at the same time, it didn’t feel like my place to do so. My life had always been filled with people telling me what to do. One thing I was certain about though. If I’d only get as much as a glimpse of what the world outside of Kamathipura looked like, I’d be happy. The tallest man nodded all of a sudden and sighed. 

“That’s the right thing to do. But if we take her with us, don’t you think others will want to come to?”

Alright… no… to be fair I didn’t liked the way they were talking about my destiny above my head and went against my own instinct to say something. I swallowed down the feeling of doing something wrong and said slowly.

“Umm… sorry to interrupt you but I’m quite curtain that you’re still talking about me”  
“Oh God, sorry love”

The brown haired man said and gave me an apologetic smile. The men behind him exchanged a quick glance with raised eyebrows before the grey haired one in the middle said with a soft smile. 

“Well, let’s start simple… how about you at least come with us to our humble motel, get cleaned up and have something to eat and then you decide what you want to do?”

 

All three looked at me, expecting an answer. But I’d froze in my position. What was all of a sudden? First they talked about taking me with them and then that they simply can’t and now they want me to follow them anyway. I was very confused.

“But… why… why me?”

The brown haired smiled warmly.

“Why not?”

Every cell in my body spoke against leaving my home in the night with three strangers, who were men to say the least and then follow them to an unknown location with a blank promise of a shower and a meal. Like I explained before; you never know what will happen. I tried to do a quick pros and cons list in my head but got interrupted by a sharp pain in my gut, which reminded me of the lack of food for the past three days. If I wouldn’t have any sort of meal soon (and I doubted it would happen tomorrow because even if my neighbor would come back tonight, the food needs cooking and my schedule was going to be full as always and if my roommates wouldn’t get back, I’d have to jump in for them and then I’d… I don’t know… die? How long could you survive without a proper meal?) 

“Let me just… grab my stuff”

I pressed a hand over my stomach to stop it from revolting and headed inside. No matter what would happen, I was already in a deeper hell than I could climb up from. I gathered my change of clothes – a blue cardigan with green harem pants, a red comb – given to me by my mother, a photo of her and my father in the old family house and all the money I had.

“All good to go?”

The brown haired man asked me. I looked at the shed one last time and felt tears prickle in the corner of my eyes. It had been my home for the last 4 years and even though I would never come back to this place with all its bad memories, it had still been a home. When my two roommates come back (if they did) they’ll find an empty bed and no trace of me at all. I thought of my neighbor who’d taken care of me and thought about saying “good bye” but changed my mind. Will they wonder where I’d gone? Or will they be happy to have more room for themselves? I was hoping for the first one... 

“Yes, I’m good”

I turned away, gave the men a smile and started a whole new journey. Leaving my old life behind.


	2. Safety?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter whooo!! ^^  
> Thank you all soooo much for the hits, kudos and comments <3 They make me very, very happy! Please review if there's something you like/hate, ok!?   
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!   
> (thank you again!)

The motel was only just a kilometer from Kamathipura. We were making small talk on the way. They asked me questions about my age and name and how I’d gotten into the situation I was. I told them the truth, not seeing any purpose in lying since they’d find out anyway. They cringed and said kind words like ‘sorry’ and ‘that’s horrible’ and ‘I’m really sorry that happened to you’.

I was glad. No one had bothered saying all those nice things to me before. When we got to the motel I had to choose to stay with one of them since the managers of the motel had all gone home or fallen asleep and there wasn’t time to do paperwork in the middle of the night. I chose to share a room with the brown haired man. I don’t know why. 

Maybe it was because I felt safest with him or maybe because I noticed the golden band around his ring finger and knew that he was less likely to try anything on me while I was asleep. It felt like none of them wanted to do me any harm but I still trusted my knowledge of men and the gut feeling I always had with them above all. The other two said good night and I followed the brown haired man to his room.

“Here you go”

The man said when he opened the door to his room. It was small, but still bigger than my shed. A queen-sized bed stood in one corner and a small wardrobe in the other. A coffee table was placed between them and when looking to the left you found a shower and a sink, both with running water, and a toilet. 

“You can take a shower, as long as you want to and in the meanwhile I’ll get you something to eat”

Terror suddenly overcame me with the fact of being all alone again and I couldn’t help myself before taking a hold of the man’s shirt clad arm. He gave me a look of surprise but didn’t look disgusted or tried to peel me away. A soft smile made his eyes wrinkle instead and he softly placed his hand on my shoulder. 

“I won’t take long”  
“No, please… stay… I don’t… I don’t want to be alone”

I stammered while clutching onto him. He nodded and I released him and took a step back, red blushes covering my cheeks. The dim light of the room covered my embarrassment, luckily. 

“Alright, but I have to get one of my mates to fetch it for you then”  
I nodded and took my leave into the bathroom. I could hear the man leaving the room and then a soft click indicating that he’d locked the door as I took off my clothes. The first spray of hot, clean water felt like a dream and I sighed contentedly as the water dripped down my spine and legs. I knew that the man had said I could take my time, and I was planning to. 

This was the best feeling I’d had in years. But I also wanted to scrub away all the filth after everything I’d been through. Just the fact that I could use soap again was beyond anything I could ever dream about. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until the bathroom was steaming from hot water. When I finally got out I almost felt like a new person. That’s why a knock on the door almost sent me back to my shed again.

“Aradhana?”

I cleared my throat and exhaled when I recognized the voice.

“Yes?”  
“I got you some fresh towels; I’ll leave them out here”  
“It’s okay”

I laughed.

“I’m not really shy about my body”

I could almost hear his breath hitch on the other side of the door before it slowly opened and the man stepped in slowly with his eyes closed. In his right hand he held a clean white towel and in the other a shirt that I guessed was just perfect to sleep in.

“I can’t really see where you are but here you go”

I muffled a giggle behind my hand and stepped forward, my small feet making footprints as I walked lightly toward him. I took the towel and knotted it around my body before saying.

“You can open your eyes now”

The man slowly peeked before opening them and swallowed at seeing my almost naked body.

“Oh come on now, don’t be shy. I’ve showed much more to married men like you. Not that you… you know”

I blushed again and the man closed his hand on the golden ring around his finger. He cleared his throat before his cheeks also got shaded in pink.

“I’ll leave you to change. I hope you don’t mind the shirt. It’s… mine. I thought you needed to have something to sleep in until tomorrow. Oh and the food is done when you’re ready”

He gave me a final glance before leaving, closing the door quickly behind him. I dried off, cursing my own mouth. What was I thinking? ‘I’ve showed much more to married men like you’? He’s probably in a perfectly healthy relationship and what was I suggesting? That he’d sleep with me? Only by taking me here, he’d proven to have much more honor than the majority of all the men I’ve met. Gods.

The shirt went down to my mid thighs and after drying my hair I got out of the bathroom to find the man sitting at the coffee table with a phone in his hands. He was probably texting his wife, telling her how much he loved her. I blushed again and the man only looked up when I was halfway across the room. He quickly sat up more in the chair from the half lying position he’d been in and looked at me up and down. 

“You look better. Like there is a whole new lightness about you”  
“Thank you. I feel a lot better. I… hope you don’t mind that I borrowed your soap?”  
“Oh no, of course not. Sit, the food is still warm”

Food. My stomach groaned at the dish of chicken and noodles in front of me. I immediately dug in and couldn’t help a moan from escaping my lips as the first flavors exploded in my mouth. 

“Sorry”

I managed to say with my mouth full of food but the man only waved it away with his hand.

“Don’t be”

I ate as quickly as I could chew with only a few pauses of having to catch my breath and swallow down some water. Afterwards I could only sit there, both hands on my belly as the food rested comfortably inside. The man gave me a small smile and I could only smile back before pressing out a small,

“Thank you”  
“No problem. I’m just happy to see another you from just an hour ago. This one I see in front of me fits you much better”

I blushed again and had to look away, my hands fiddling with the hem of the shirt.

“I mean it. Really! Thank you”

The man only nodded but I knew that there was one thing I could do for him. I rose up from the chair and started to take small steps towards him. The man gave me a confused look that quickly changed into one of surprise and then slight shock when I got down on my knees and placed my hand on his belt buckle. His belt was already out of the way and I placed my hand on the zipper on his jeans before he stopped my hands from going any further.

“No, you can’t do that”  
“But I want to; you’ve been so good to me. I only want to repay the favor”  
“No, please… Aradhana. I have a wife and two daughters back at home. I… you can’t”

He swallowed and met my eyes only to hold them there. I could see the sincerity and was for one moment incredibly happy for the man’s wife who could trust her husband so deeply. The next moment I felt something I’d never felt before. Was it jealousy? Jealousy of the wife of this man who got to have him every moment for the rest of her life. Who got to hold him, kiss him, and love him. Endlessly? Panic closed around me. What was I still doing here anyway? I got to take a shower and had a nice meal. It was more than enough.

“Sorry… I… I should go. Thank you again… thank you for everything”

I rose up and went to gather my things. If I wasn’t allowed to pay back the way I used to, then how could I? I didn’t deserve all the things that were handed to me. It was no point denying that things already got out of hand. 

“No! Wait! Where are you going?”

The man quickly fixed his belt before rising up too and took a soft hold of my arm to prevent me from going.

“I don’t know… but… I’ve already caused enough problems. The only thing missing is you offering up your bed so that you have to sleep on the floor, or something. This was all great and I will find a way to pay you back for it all since I don’t have much money but I really have to go”

I chuckled nervously and tried to swallow down the panic that was rising in my body and poisoning my brain and blood like black, thick tar.

“I’m sorry, but where? Back to that shed where you have to sell yourself again? I can’t allow that. Not after all that you’ve been through”

The sincerity was there again. Mirroring in his eyes. I felt hot tears burning in my eyes and before I could stop myself they were running down my cheeks in big drops. 

“Sorry”

I said and tried to wipe them away with the back of my hand but the man grabbed my wrists and stopped my movement.

“It’s okay. Just let it go. You’re free now”

I sniffled and felt more tears just running down my cheeks. There was no point in trying to stop them. I wanted to cover myself up, hide my face behind my hands so the man wouldn’t see me. But I couldn’t so I kept determinedly staring at my naked feet. That was until I felt two strong arms hugging me with a warm hand pressed against my head so I could rest it on his chest.  
His heart was pounding hard and I could feel my own heart rising as well. I placed my arms around him too. His chest was rising and falling in steady beats and I could feel myself crying harder when I inhaled his scent. It was nothing like the men that regularly slept with me. This man smelled of home, security, love.

“You’re safe with me. I got you. Hush hush now”

I knew I was soaking through his shirt with tears and snot and I felt terrible but I did what he said. I let go. I was safe with him. He led us to the bed and let me crawl under the covers before taking off his shoes and socks and did the same. For once I didn’t feel like I had to do something sexual at all. I didn’t feel the need to pleasure him or let him do anything to me and as we properly lay next to each other, him with his arms around me and me with both my hands pressed against my chest and head resting on his chest, I felt… content. For the first time since I was a child, hugging my mother or father. He lightly kissed the top of my head and whispered

“Good night”  
Before putting the light out and pressed me against him.   
“Good night”  
I answered before sighing and closed my eyes to let sleep overcome me. 

I was running. Naked and scared. There were men chasing me, but I couldn’t see their faces.  
It was my tenth birthday. A big chocolate cake with vanilla frosting was placed at the table in front of me. My dad stood next to me holding a video camera and my mom had glitter in her hair. She looked like an angel. “Make a wish” my older brother smiled at me.  
Glass scattered around me as the car flipped over into the ditch. First screams and then nothing.  
Tears were running down my bigger brother’s cheeks as our parents’ coffins got hoisted down into the earth. “Such incredible sadness” someone said next to me. “Yes, and look at the daughter. All alone in a big scary world” My eyes were completely dry.  
“Look mommy! I can fly!” I jumped off the swing too high of the ground and it hurt when I hit it. Blackness overcame me for a few seconds. I saw my mom’s crying face in the dimness. “Aradhana!” “Aradhana!”

I woke up by someone shaking me.  
“What?”  
“Oh God, you’re ok. You had me worried there for a second”

I draped the covers around me. This wasn’t my bed. It certainly wasn’t my room. But then I saw him and my memories came back. 

“I… I’m okay… nightmares”

The man sighed and gave me a smile.  
“…You Sure?”

I sighed before giving him a nod and he got up to get dressed. Discarding the old shirt before putting on another gave me a good view of his upper body. 

“Ey, you!”

He turned around and I blew away a kiss before raising my eyebrow in a flirtatious manner. He blushed and looked away but didn’t actually turn away before putting on the clean shirt. 

“You know, I never really caught your name yesterday, which I think I deserve since we slept in the same bed and all”

He chuckled and gave me the change of clothes I had brought before sitting down on the bed. 

“It’s Richard Hammond, or just Rich or Hammond. If you like”  
“Hammond”

I tasted the name, preferring to use the surname rather than the given name. Hammond nodded and gave me a smile before saying.

“Get dressed, there will be breakfast when you’re done and then we’ll travel onward”  
“Travel onward?”

I raised my eyebrows.

“You’ll see”

Hammond promised before I went into the bathroom to do my business and get dressed. When I got back, Hammond was ready to go and after packing the few items that I’d brought into his bag, we headed down to the reception. There we met Jeremy and the other guy from last night, who presented himself as James. 

There were also a lot of other people who were associated with the three. I partly hid behind Hammond as they all came forward to present themselves. Apparently Jeremy and James had already explained the situation which I appreciated very much. Because it meant I wouldn’t have to stand up towards all the new faces and tell them who and what I am. 

It seemed like most of the crew welcomed me and assured me that there wouldn’t be a problem with me following them, after I got a grip of what they were actually doing so to say. The rest, only four of the cameramen were not pleased that I would follow, determined that I would risk the whole operation India thing they were going to film, said nothing. 

Democracy in all its glory made the answer clear though. I was allowed to come with and the producers (mostly Andy) were even kind enough to agree on Hammonds request for me to sit with him all the time I could “off camera” for my own comfort. I was still very unsure and even if most of them seemed very nice it would take a while to feel secure. After breakfast, it was time for the team to continue the journey to Jaipur. 

I got to ride with Hammond for the first bit but had to step out and stand with the producers while the cars got parked in a train. After that we headed to the train station to get tickets. James and one of the cameramen stood in the queue for three hours before getting all the tickets. Meanwhile Jeremy tried to fish out what had happened last night after they all had parted. 

I got as red as a tomato when Hammond told him about how we went to sleep together but left out the intimate things like my crying last night and the nightmare in the morning which I was very grateful of. Of course they recorded bits and pieces under the conversation but were very careful of what Hammond and Jeremy were talking about and that I was out of screen.

……………


	3. Leaving home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! It's here :3 Enjoy! ^^

….

We continued to move after getting the tickets. On to the train and off we went.   
The ride itself would take fourteen hours. I was nervous.   
Very nervous.

I had never taken a train before. When I was young I’d always got driven around wherever I wanted to go, in a car. This way of traveling was very packed, very hot and sweaty and worst; filled with men. As soon as I got in I wanted to get out again. But Hammond stopped me with a hand on my arm, turned me around and placed his hand on my shoulder before pulling me close.

“Don’t look. I’ll be walking you through this,” he whispered in my ear. I leaned back slightly to meet his eyes, his eyebrows furrowed and a warm smile on his lips. My own face mirrored in his eyes and I looked back at a frightened girl with eyes big as saucers, panic written all over her face. I gulped, nodded and turned around again before fixating my gaze as far I could. Hammond grabbed both my hands and I took a sharp intake of air in surprise at the sudden skin to skin touch. 

He didn’t seem to notice though because he pushed my arms and our locked hands to my frame, stopping right under my breasts so that we stood in a half embrace with his arms secured around my body and his chest pressed against my back. I could feel my own breath shorten and heart rate quicken a little. We were just as close as last night but this felt more outrageous. More intimate. I rested my head against his collarbone and breathed out slowly. 

“Are you ok?” he whispered again and I resisted a shiver before nodding. It felt good in ways I couldn’t describe to have him so close to me. The way our bodies lined up with each other like we were two puzzle pieces finally put together. We started walking and it was only getting better – or worse if you look at it from another angle. Because when he moved, I could feel him… all of him. 

First I was unsure of what to do; we probably looked like a two man centipede, connected all the way from my neck to my bottom. But I couldn’t help the blush that was creeping up my neck to my cheeks. I could feel dark eyes of unknown men standing against the walls, sitting on chairs and lying in beds all around me, watching every move I made. 

Hammonds breathing and the steady rise and fall of his chest made me keep on walking all the time; which was turning out to be quite of a problem. Only two thin layers of cotton separated us and I could feel everything he did, every move he made and every muscle he used. Normally the thought of someone so close would disgust me but instead my body completely gave in and I felt relaxed. 

The security of having Hammond’s strong, warm arms around my body and the feeling of his quickly increasing heartbeats made me lose control though. One step at the time and my breathing got harder and harder to control. I couldn’t help but let out a deep pant and at the next step I took, my breathing wasn’t the only thing getting harder. This time I let out a gasp. I never thought that a man’s arousal could get me excited but this… this was something entirely new. I could feel myself getting very wet very fast and did what my body was programmed to do; respond. 

“Bloody hell,” I heard him gasp. I’d pressed closer and softly rubbed my bottom down his clothed cock. I could feel him growing bigger and harder. My breath hitched in my throat. I let go of his hands and pressed them back at his thighs to let them travel upward toward his crotch. But before my hand reached its destination I got shoved to the side with a quick, “Fuck… forgive me,” and he left me to rush down the corridor and into a door at the left. 

I watched him, first breathless, hot and bothered before shock overcame me and I could feel tears burning in the corners of my eyes. A bit further down the corridor to my right was an isolated room with four beds. It was empty at the moment and I opened the door that said on both English and Hindu “reserved, Top Gear presenters” with an angry gesture. I felt abandoned as I sat down on one of the lower beds of the two double beds. Mostly hurt. My guess was that Hammond had skipped away to a toilet to finish his business.   
What a fucking idiot.

I looked out the window. The outskirts of Bombay were passing quicker and quicker. My home for nineteen years. I felt tears running down my cheeks and bit into my knuckles to keep me from making any loud sounds. I waited for 10 minutes. Bombay was gone and a forest had taken over.   
20 minutes. I’d stopped crying but didn’t have the energy to clean myself up. So I sat still, watching the world passing by.   
30 minutes later and a soft click from the door indicated that someone just stepped into the compartment. The person sat down on the bed next to the one I was sitting on and a quick glance confirmed that it was Hammond. I didn’t say anything and kept staring out the window, swatting away any evidence of tears in my eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he said finally and I looked over at him. He was slightly leaning forward, face rested in his hands and elbows placed on his thighs. I snorted out half a laugh.

“Why? If I wouldn’t have provoked you, you wouldn’t have gotten a sudden erection.”

“Don’t say that out loud!” He made a hushing sound and looked around to make sure no one was listening.

“Why not? You’re pressed up against a girl, an erection is just the body reacting.”  
I raised my eyebrows. I could still not understand why he made such a big deal out of it. 

Hammond gave me a pained expression and ran his hand through his hair quickly. For a second he looked unsure what he’d answer and exhaled deeply.

“Because… they aren’t supposed to happen when you touch someone other than the one you’re together with. If you do, like sex or other sexual things, even kissing and sometimes hugging, it’s called cheating and…” He went silent and a shade of pink dusted his cheeks. He looked away, embarrassed, and started fiddling with a loose thread in the mattress he was sitting on.

“And?” I asked with raised eyebrows.

“And I could never, ever do that to Mindy. That would destroy our family. My girls deserve a happy home. 

“So you’re saying that you can’t sleep with me because that would be cheating and you’re afraid that your wife will find out?”

“Yes,” he agreed. That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Newly wedded men, men who had been married for years, boyfriends, singles, they were no different. Sex was only just sex. How could it be anything more? A bit of groaning and moaning, ejection and then done!

“But we are in India. It’s not like she’d ever know.”

Hammond looked horrified. “Oh no no no, I could still never do that. Not just against her but also against you. You’re your own person now. No one has the right to do anything with it unless you’re willing, especially not me.”

“And what if I was? You. Me. Fucking. I’d love it” I interrupted him and sat back against the bed while looking at him in a provocative way. His mouth fell open as he only stared at me for a couple of seconds. I shrugged with a small smile. He ran his hand through his hair again, making it even a bigger mess than it was before.

“Eh… wow…”  
“Your choice, I’ve thought that you were hot since we met yesterday and it’s not only the mechanic whore who wants to do what she’s best at who is doing the talking right now. I’ll be forever grateful that you saved me.”

“Yeah well… I wasn’t the only one who helped you. I can’t take on all your gratitude on my own.” Hammond cleared his throat and I could see him watching me from the corner of my eyes. He was blushing. Silence overcame us for a minute and Hammond standing up was what made me look his way again.

“I’m going to go check with May and Clarkson, I’ll be back soon, don’t… don’t go anywhere. Ok?”

“Yeah, but before you go I need to ask…” He looked up at me, brown eyes clouded with different emotions I couldn’t make out. Frustration, confusion, hurt? Lust, affection. I squinted my eyes at him and grinned.

“Why did you get turned on, if you’re not supposed to be?”

“Oh god… umm…” He pinched the bridge of his nose in search for a good answer.

“Mindy and I haven’t had a very good… ugh… you know…”

“Sex-life lately?”

“Eeh… yes.” He blushed and scratched his neck awkwardly. I leaned back on the bed and continued.

“Meaning you haven’t gotten any of those big, spine tickling, eye-watering, exploding orgasms in quite a long time, then?” I looked over at him again and he looked ever more embarrassed than before.

“Umm… no…”

I smacked my lips and leaned back on my hand behind me. “Well… I haven’t either so I guess we’re on the same page then.”

I could see him watching me from the corner of my eye as I watched the bed above the one I was lying in. He wet his lips, bit them as if stopping himself from saying something and I rolled my eyes, a smile playing on my lips. “Aren’t you going to ask?

“What?”  
I looked over at him before I rose up again and sat down in front of him on the bed. He would’ve taken a step back if he stood up but now when sitting down, that was much harder. So he simply straightened his back but still looked like a deer staring into headlights from me being so straightforward and close all of a sudden. 

“If I am a whore, wouldn’t I have an orgasm once every quarter?”

“Was a… prostitute. Please stop calling yourself a whore… And no… I wouldn’t ask that.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“I wouldn’t! It’s not my business.”

“Ok.” I grinned again and broke our eye contact before lying down again. The sound of drumming took over as the train went onward on the rail. It was soothing and though I didn’t see, I knew that Bombay and my whole world were passing away. 

I could remember every man I’d slept with, every man that had put their cocks in me, forced me to suck them off. Every single one. I’d lost my virginity early, only 13 years old, to my best friend at the time. He was 15 and we had shared some childish kisses but that time when it happened he’d apparently heard from his bigger brother that you can do more. It could have been worse. I could have had my first experience with a much older, much harsher man. I was lucky in that way. 

I looked over at Hammond. He was watching the world fleeing past with his chin resting on his closed fists. I wondered what he was thinking about. His wife? His daughters? Was he homesick? Was he thinking about me? I… with my filthy mouth that was spilling out things from left to right that he wasn’t used to at all.

I let my gaze go back to its original place and focused it on a hole in the mattress above the one I was resting on. I was lucky. Gods knows I’d been lucky. Never had I gotten pregnant like so many others, never caught any major diseases that might hurt or kill me, never been tricked, never been involved with anything criminal, never hurt anyone. 

Sure I’d taken drugs, been so drunk that I couldn’t walk and even enjoyed sex once in a while when someone had been gentle with me and worshipped on my altar instead of using me like a tool. But never had an orgasm as good as I could see stars. Never loved anyone. Never, ever loved anyone. How did it even feel?

I looked over at Hammond again. He knew what love was. He was familiar with love in his everyday life. I wondered if I could feel that… But how would I know that I felt the right thing? I wondered how Mindy, his wife, felt when she left him at the airport every time he did a trip like this one. 

What was she thinking? Was she worried or did she trust him enough to hope nothing would go wrong? Was it tough living with him, with all his traveling? Was it tough loving him? I watched him and my heart swelled. No… loving Hammond couldn’t be tough. He was the kindest man I’d ever met… and I’ve met plenty. I turned over to the side to get a better look at him. 

His eyebrows were furrowed, like he was concentrating hard, but the rest of his body was slumped forward, completely relaxed. A breeze from the half open window made his hair flick softly from side to side. I suddenly wanted to run my fingers through it, to feel the softness of it. To listen to the sounds he’d make when my fingertips would scrape his scalp. My gaze wandered down to his profile. Down to the sharp but relatively small nose, to the furrows in his forehead and the laughing wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, to the thick black lashes that rested on his cheeks and then to the scruffy beginnings of a beard and mustache, to the soft-looking but slightly chapped lips. 

My gaze went back to his eyes to find him looking at me. His brown eyes were filled with a mix of amusement and interest. I quickly looked away and a chuckle bubbled out from his lips. I could feel my cheeks burn but steadily met his eyes again.

“Do I have something on me?” His hand went up to swat away whatever he thought I was looking at.

“No… I just… you’re gorgeous,” I breathed and Hammond smiled, warm and heartily. 

“Oh now, look who’s talking about being gorgeous.” 

I blushed even harder. That was the first time someone complimented me outside a bed (technically since I was sitting on one). 

“I…” I started but got interrupted by Jeremy peeking into the compartment. 

“Hammond! The producers say we need more recording time so you have to come with me.” Hammond stood up and nodded. Jeremy looked over at me.

“Aradhana, do you want to come with or stay here? I heard it was going to be a bit intense, just so you know. Oh! And this compartment is safe. We’ve got two cameramen just next door who’ll keep an eye on anyone passing by the doors.”

I looked over at Hammond but he only gave me a shrug like he was saying; it’s your choice. “I think I’ll stay here.”

Jeremy looked over at Hammond who looked at me. I could sense what he was thinking, clearly remembering what had happened just an hour ago. I could feel my cheeks flush and quickly looked down at the floor so that my hair draped itself around my face. I could barely see Hammond because of my hair but I guessed that he’d turned pink as well. I could hear him clear his throat before saying, “Let’s get going then.”

He stood up and followed Jeremy out of the compartment. He gave me one more glance and I gave him a reassuring smile and a nod before he closed the door. I was alone again, but I didn’t feel lonely. I draped myself over the bed. Feet dangle above my back as I lay on my stomach with my forehead rested on my folded arms. The train kept on drumming on the rails and I yawned. I was getting sleepy and for the first time in a long time, I let myself fall completely asleep. 

.......


	4. Oh, Tender Midnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit short... soooorrrryyyy <3

….

I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep when I woke up, but the sun was almost set and a soft layer of pink shaded the sky and the cotton-like clouds. First I got confused why I’d woken up at all but a knock on the door made me rise up quickly. I braced myself but immediately recognized Hammond on the other side of the door, pointing at the door handle with his hands full. I exhaled the breath I’d been holding and opened the door for him. 

“Hey, did I wake you up?”

I blinked a few times and gently rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes before stretching out my body. 

“Yeah, but I only had a nap. No problem.”

Hammond placed the two plastic bags he’d been holding on the bed next to the one I’d been sleeping in and gave me a big smile.

“That makes me happy.”

I stifled a yawn behind my hand and gave him a confused look.

“That you feel safe… after what you’ve been through I can hardly think sleeping alone like that would’ve been an easy task,” he corrected himself and I sat down on the bed again, nodding solemnly before pointing at the bags. “Oh yeah, I brought something to eat.”

My stomach grumbled happily at the thought of food and Hammond chuckled before taking out the two burgers – consisting of fried chicken, a bit of salad, tomato and onion, some sort of dressing and cheese packed between two loafs of bread – and soda, in this case; Cola. It had been years since I had a burger and I made grabby gestures toward the one Hammond gave me. Like yesterday, I moaned when the first bite exploded on my taste buds and I stifled a quick, “sorry,” with one of my hands covering my full mouth. Just like yesterday, Hammond swayed his hand in a ‘No problem’ gesture and went back to his meal. The tips of his ears were slightly reddened. 

The train continued its jolly way and after a moment Jeremy and James showed up and took place in the unoccupied beds, Jeremy in the one above mine and James in the one above Hammond. 

“Be prepared for snoring, May is completely hopeless.” Hammond did a theater whisper and pointed at the bed above to make his statement clear. I giggled as James snorted to the accusation, by far used to the bickering and comments they shared. 

Night fell and darkness overcame us. James and Jeremy were fast asleep and I tried hard to lose consciousness too. Maybe it was because of my long nap earlier… or maybe because of the reality of what I was doing, leaving not only the part of my life as a whore but also my childhood, my parents’ grave and my bigger brother (not that he was ever a brother to me, leaving me in the place I was to take care of myself) that all made me lie there… completely and utterly awake as the scenery – the stars and moon – went past the small compartment window. I sighed and suppressed tears that once again tried to burst from my eyes. I tore my gaze from the world outside and looked over at Hammond. I couldn’t see if he was deeply asleep or still awake. A whispering voice confirmed the other. 

“Can’t sleep, love?”

I sighed again, lied on my side and met what I thought were his eyes. I cleared my throat to be sure my voice worked properly and wouldn’t break from the tears I was holding in. “No… you?”

He chuckled softly and I could hear movement from his bed, indicating him turning over to his side too. “I keep thinking about my daughters… I often wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I mean being in the profession I’m in, doing all the risky things I do, traveling as much as I do. If that’s… I don’t know… It puts a hard pressure on Mindy, with her always having to stay at home, always correcting herself and her life to my choices and decisions. Sometimes I wonder if I’m selfish doing the things I do. I… I’ve done things you shouldn’t do when you’re a father of two kids… and I miss them… all of them. God knows I miss them so much.”

His voice trembled and the tears I so badly wanted to hold in came out in a flood and I couldn’t lie there on the bed anymore. I needed to get out. Away from it all. I sprang free and got out of the door, not caring if I woke anyone up. I walked down the moonlit corridor and only stopped to open the door to the connected wagon in front of ours. The cold air hit me like a bus and I staggered backwards a few steps before bumping into someone soft and warm. 

Hammond had followed me and turned me around before closing his arms around me. Tears streamed down my cheeks and it was only then, when my forehead rested on his shoulder that I realized his lack of shirt. I took a staggering breath and did the complete opposite of what Hammond probably thought I would do since he began to let me go. 

I leaned in and took deep, shallow breath. I could feel his hands in my hair, softly combing through it with his fingertips before placing a soft kiss on the top of my head. I could feel wetness from tears where the salty teardrops landed as his lips touched my hair and I felt the need to comfort him, to be there for him like he’d been there for me the last 24+ hours. 

But how do you show comfort when you don’t know how to love? When you’ve never felt any other love than the one a mother has for her child? How do you know how to show affection-s- when all you’ve been doing for the last four years is to sell your body? When you barely know the line between friendship, flirting and cheating? How do you comfort someone who has lived twice as long as you? Who has seen twice as many winters and summers? Who has love around him all the time? 

I didn’t know and could only hold on as we hugged each other, both slightly swinging from side to side as the train continued its way to Jaipur, not caring at all about the man and woman who were so different - and yet so very alike – that stood on one of its wagons, holding on to each other blindly in a world that soon enough would turn upside down.

.........


	5. Days and nights

….

The sun blinded me and forced me to open my eyes. An arm was slung over my waist and I turned over slightly. Last night, after our small crying session, I invited Hammond to sleep in my bed. He agreed. We both felt a lot better after crawling under the covers together. It was small but we fit like puzzle pieces with him hugging my back and me pressed against his chest. 

At that point, we didn’t care and/or remembered that two other men slept in the same room as us. It’d been like last night all over again. We sought security and comfort in each other. It was important to keep it that way, I reminded myself as I turned over in Hammond’s arms. He was still fast asleep, brown bangs covering most of his face. The wrinkles in his forehead and corners of his eyes didn’t make him look older like they should on a man his age, but rather charming. Proof of living a life filled with both happiness and sadness. 

I freed one arm and softly stroke away his bangs to reveal his face. My fingers stroked the wrinkle closest to his hairline and I let it continue above his ear and down to his neck. I let it rest there with my fingers carefully playing with his hair before stretching and pressed my body closer to his, giving him time to wake up on his own.

That wasn’t happening though because I heard a loud boom and yes, at the moment I felt perfectly safe (safer than ever to be fair) but my body had its own reaction system and the loud noise made me jump like a cat, bracing myself for attack. 

“Sorry… oh.” Jeremy’s head appeared above me, leaning over my bed. His face went from apologetic and slightly amused to slightly shocked. He blinked a few times, mouth hanging open in an “O” shape and looked over at the empty bed behind him before leaning over mine again and peered with squinted eyes at the, still asleep, figure between me and the cold metal wall. Jeremy pointed at the obvious form of his co-worker with a look that I couldn’t describe to save my life.

“Do I even… HAMMOND!!!”

That woke him up and Hammond looked up with pure horror at his mate. 

“I…I…” he stuttered. I wanted to lay a protective arm around him but fought against it and instead laced my voice with poison.

“It’s a long story… do you mind?” I gave Jeremy a look of annoyance. I knew what he’d thought. Hell, I’d have thought the same if I were in Jeremy’s shoes. But now wasn’t the place for that discussion. I wanted to get up. Jeremy had moved out of the way only to be replaced with James who just got down from his bed.

“What’s going on? Oh…” He peeked in at my bed and looked at Hammond like he was some sort of extraterrestrial being. Hammond himself didn’t look pleased with the situation and as soon as I’d got out of bed, he followed, draping on yesterday’s shirt with a swift gesture. We stood there, all four, no one quite sure if they had any right or reason to say something. I sighed and gave them a quick explanation.

“I couldn’t sleep, nor could Hammond. I didn’t know what to do with the truth of me getting away from my life. Hammond had a hard time coping with… well,” I looked over at Hammond, not really feeling like I should talk about the feelings he’d experienced and he continued.

“With Mindy, Izzy and Willow… I miss them.” 

The both men nodded with understanding and I continued. “I felt cornered and was fighting not to cry so I got out of the compartment, Hammond ran after me, we cried, hugged and after that we realized that where I need security he needs comfort so we decided that sleeping in the same bed would do the trick and now here we are. No biggie.”

James and Jeremy exchanged glances but kept quiet and Hammond clasped his hand together. “Breakfast?”

The filming in Jaipur would approximately take a week, and already from the beginning, things were not going our way.  
James missed the train and I didn’t know if I should laugh or feel concerned at that moment. Hammond and Jeremy discovered that James had lied about the AC in his car and immediately decided that a small operation was in place. 

“For Gandhi!” They exclaimed loud and clear while I stifled my laughter by biting on my knuckles. 

Each day was the same. They filmed a majority of the time, which meant that I had to stay hidden behind the film crew and producers. We continued traveling from Jaipur to Delhi after a week. The Jaipur affair had been quite embarrassing. But I guessed it was all for the show. It gave me a good laugh to see Jeremy as number one on the prize pall with the two Indians that came second and third looking slightly confused at what had happened.

Once we got to Delhi things changed. I’d gotten new clothes as soon as we got there and the four cameramen that had gotten used to me (but were still were very unhappy with me following Hammond around like a pet or his shadow) had then almost gotten angry. They didn’t have quite as much money as they needed and with the cars always breaking down and many mouths to feed they thought it was irresponsible of Hammond to buy me new clothes when the rest of them only had two pieces of clothing with them. (I now had three)

It was tough, going through all that’s happened. One moment I could stand chatting with Hammond, James and Jeremy and the next I had to move away because a certain angle or event happened that needed to be recorded. 

I never actually thought that Hammond could get angry but at a particular moment when we sat and ate lunch, planning and brainstorming over the big garden party that was going to happen the next day, the producers thought it was a good idea to film. Only they didn’t tell us since they liked the natural feeling they got from the boys when they didn’t feel the pressure of having to perform in front of a rolling camera. 

Since we didn’t know there would be a change of me getting out of picture, I stood in the middle of the view and one cameraman got impatient and reacted very badly. He (a large, middle aged man that always took angry sneaky glances at me whenever he could, like I wouldn’t see him) grabbed my arm as I stood just behind Hammond (who, as usual, occasionally gave me bits of his food to make sure I was properly fed) and almost manhandled me out of the picture. I gasped as his rough hand pushed me away from my security and could feel hot tears burning in the corners of my eyes.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, wincing, and the man let go of my arm like he just then realized what he’d done. I scurried away a few meters and took cover behind the small restaurant corner. Hammond’s voice struck down as thunder but I was in too much shock to make out any words. Tears ran freely and I looked down at my feet to hide my embarrassment. I couldn’t help how my body reacted. A familiar hand soon took a much softer grip of my arm again and I inhaled sharply.

“Come here…” A warm frame pressed up against mine and I sucked in the scent of Hammond, like I couldn’t breathe any other air than the one surrounding him as he placed his arms around me. I could feel my knees buckle to the feeling of him holding me close and felt pathetic for once again crying in the open like a child. He held me for a few seconds before softly wiping away the traces of tears on my cheeks. I could feel my cheeks heat when he looked into my eyes, his face only a few centimeters away from mine.   
I wanted to kiss him. To hold him closer than we were right then and there. But I knew I couldn’t. I just… 

I broke free with a soft nudge but Hammond didn’t notice my discomfort.

“Better?”

I nodded and gave him a faint smile while placing a lock of hair behind my ear. He stretched out his hand and I grabbed it before he led me back to the terrace. The crew looked at me, sadness and sympathy mirroring in their eyes and smiles. The other man was nowhere to be found.

The nights were often spent in scruffy hotels. Hammond and I laid pressed close against each other and they were the only moments when I felt entirely safe and content. Every evening after we finished dinner we went to bed together after taking a shower if there were any and then we laid there. Me with my back pressed against his chest, his arm slumped around my stomach. And each morning we woke up together. I always woke up first though and carefully turned around so we lay chest to chest. I watched him with sleepy eyes, counted the wrinkles in the corners of his eyes or brushed away some hair that had fallen to cover of his face until he woke up.


	6. On the road

….

The garden party that day had not been much of a success either. I’d figured out that not much was about advertising the British cars as it was humoring for the viewers to watch later. The very next day they continued to travel towards the Himalayas and the three men decided that they needed to modify their cars. Only it didn’t go so well. I couldn’t stand the noise in either Jeremy’s or James’s cars. Hammond was the only one not changing anything and I was happy that the ride still went smoothly and un-deafly. 

The way was long which meant more time spent with Hammond. I couldn’t help but notice him watching me sometimes. Not staring but rather short, quick looks like he wanted to say something but didn’t know if he either could or should. It was important for him to have his eyes on the crazy road where people had no sense of direction or caution. When he watched me again and almost missed a small boy crossing the street I’d had enough.

“Is there something on me?” I looked down at my new clothes. I’d gotten a beautiful pink churidar with a vivid pattern of green and purple at the bottom and matching purple pants that I got with the dress-like clothing. Soft black cotton woven shoes covered my feet. Neither wore no food stains or anything else that could attract Hammond’s interest. 

“No…I just…” His face flushed bright red and he fixed his gaze on the road before mumbling under his breath. “You look beautiful.”

My hands fisted the silky material and I looked out of the window. ‘How far can you go before it was too late to turn back?’ I asked myself again for the hundredth time. 

“Thank you,” I breathed and pushed back some hair from my face. A minute passed before I dared to look over at him. His cheeks and neck were still slightly pink but he didn’t meet my gaze. Instead it was fixed still on the road, his Adam’s apple bobbing when he gulped. How could I know when I passed my limit? How could I know when he had passed his limit? When we weren’t fooling around anymore. When the food and bed we shared had passed the amount that needed passing before it was too much. When we said compliments and they started to mean more. How could I know? 

I was falling in love… I knew that. Or maybe I was falling into attraction. I didn’t know because I couldn’t describe what I was feeling. All that I knew was that I didn’t want our journey to end. I didn’t want my soft, careful, ever so gentle security blanket to go away back to his own life. My protection, not just against everything and everyone I met every day, but also against my past and the nightmares that haunted me on bad nights. I didn’t want him to return back home… and I knew I was being selfish. So horribly selfish. But I couldn’t help it. Jealousy was eating me on the inside.  
I clutched my stomach and winced.

“You okay there, love?”

‘No, you’re killing me’ I wanted to say and winced again. How long had we known each other now? Two weeks? It felt like I’d spent a lifetime with him. The bad memories of my old life faded each day, each moment I spent with him, even though my body wasn’t so keen on forgetting. I still jumped and braced myself as soon as I heard a noise or if violence and shouting occurred. I looked over at Hammond and nodded slightly. He met my eyes for a few seconds, eyebrows furrowed and mouth pressed together in a straight line. But he didn’t say anything and I kept looking back out the window. 

The roads they were driving on were dangerous and perfect filming material. I sat in the spare car together with the executive producer Andy a few miles later on. He was kind and sometimes asked me questions that made me feel like he was genuinely interested in my life and what I’d been through or simply how I was doing every day. This one though, was a bit different.

“So… I’ve noticed that you and Hammond…”

I looked over at him a bit shocked that he had brought up such an intimate question. I twisted my hands in my lap and said to my defense, “It’s nothing; we’ve connected and have become really good friends. That’s all.” 

Andy cleared his throat at looked at me from the corner of his eye. “You two have been basically glued together since day one. Not to cross any lines or so but I know how you must feel about him, with him ‘saving you’ and all. He must be some kind of hero. You do know that he has a family to get home to, eh? A wife and kids and all.”

I choked on my own breath and had to swallow a few times before I dared to open my mouth. “Excuse me?”

Andy cleared his throat and scratched his neck awkwardly. “Yeah sorry for being so rude but I just needed to remind you of that since you’re so close… we… all can see how much you two love each other. It’s clear as day.”

“What? No, I promise you. He is the only one I feel 100% safe with from day one we met. You know about my life, I’ve told you. He needed comfort the day after we met because of the guilt he felt against his wife and daughters for leaving them behind every time he does a road trip challenge like this one.” 

I paused a few seconds to let the statement linger for a moment. How much could I say? Where was the limit of friendship? 

“We hold each other at night and share the same food but that’s only for comfort,” I mumbled and Andy looked over at me and only said.

“Hmm…”

I looked out the window and desperately wanted the cameramen to stop filming so that I could get into Hammond’s car again. 

We got to the outskirts of the last town on the map. From here on there was only small villages with 10-30 residents at the most. Tarmac disappeared and got replaced with traitorous gravel and we all had to go off-road. The locals had to use dynamite to keep the roads clear from big rocks that occasionally dropped down from the mountains that surrounded us.   
This resulted in a big traffic jam and the producers decided that the three men should use a shortcut to save time since the hotel we would be staying at was four hours away and the sun would soon set. I had to get out of Hammond’s car again and walked up the 10 meter long hill that connected the old road. Both Hammond and Jeremy drove up with small effort but when it was James’s turn; disaster. 

Hammond agreed to winch him up and I could only stand behind the cameramen and watch the scenery in front of me. To prevent Hammond’s Mini to follow James’s big Rolls Royce, Jeremy anchored his Jaguar to it. Everything was working merrily until the bodywork of the Mini started to spring free. Hammond had connected the winch at a wrong – and very fragile – part. I placed both my hands over my mouth to keep myself from shouting.

The cameramen had explained to me (after I’d given them a speech about almost killing me and Hammond in his Mini more than once when we were forced to drive through the night a few days back between Jaipur and Delhi) that everything that happened needed to happen to get the ethnic taste of the show. I gasped as almost the whole bodywork got ripped from the chassis before James screamed.

“Hammond, wait!”

The look on Hammond’s face got recorded and I knew that when it all had been edited and the finished product was up on screen this would cause a good laugh to the viewers. But at the moment:

“Cut. Wonderful!”

I rushed over to Hammond who stood next to the Mini, completely devastated. He gave me a small smile but I could see him hurting. The car had been a part of his journey during the last three weeks. He sighed.

“I’m sorry I….” He pinched the bridge of his nose before stroking over the short dark stubble on his chin and cheeks in a tired gesture. 

“It’s ok… I’ll go with Andy again. We’ll talk at the hotel?”

“Yeah, thank you.” He strokes the open bodywork where the chassis could be seen like a skeleton from a gaping wound. I sat down in the spare car again and exhaled. We continued and the crew took every opportunity they could to record Hammond while he was still deeply upset about what had happened. 

....


	7. The Himalayas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I…” I started to speak but got lost in trying to explain something I didn’t want to explain. He placed two curved fingers under my chin which made me look up again and meet his gaze. His face mirrored hurt and frustration, eyebrows still furrowed and mouth in a straight line. I wanted to break our gaze again but fought against it and gulped as he carefully swirled away a lock of hair that had gotten in my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know that the contents of this may seem sudden, tell me what you think!

….

The day turned to night and Andy confirmed Jeremy’s words that yes, indeed there are still two hours left until we’d get to the hotel. Upon having registered that information Hammond’s voice suddenly spoke up on the radio-comes. 

“We could always sleep in the cars, like camping.”

“No camping!” Jeremy answered and many in the crew agreed. It was cold. We were high up on the Himalayas and the temperature had dropped past five degrees. We all kept going a mile more but had to give in to defeat. It was too dark and with the gravel road and rocks that could come flying when you least expected it, things could get dangerous. We stopped at the side of the road and built a bonfire of paper, cardboard and some wood debris. 

We had some biscuits and chocolate from the last petrol stop and sat as close to the fire we could while munching on whatever we had. The cameramen had just finished recording and placed their fragile cameras in their cars. I sat down next to Hammond and grabbed his hand. He was cold and I blew hot air into our closed hands. He gave me a soft smile and I smiled back.

Love… was this how love felt? I rested my head on his shoulder and gazed into the fire. It had been a long day and many producers and cameramen were already making their ways into their cars and tents. Everyone tucked in with blankets we never thought we’d need but bought in Jaipur to be sure if something like this would happen. I yawned and cuddled into Hammond’s shoulder. He chuckled and patted my back. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

We said goodnight to James, Jeremy and Andy who discussed plans for tomorrow. Hammond took out the blankets from the car luggage while I sat down in the right side of the backseat. My teeth and legs begun to shake with sleepiness and cold. Hammond opened the door to my left and got in. He handed me a blanket and our fingers touched. It was such an innocent gesture. We’d touched skin to skin on several occasions, especially before sleeping but now my body froze. 

I remembered the things I’d pondered on the whole day. When was the limit reached? What had Andy meant by ‘we all can see how much you two love each other’? I didn’t even know what love was. Right? 

I gulped and looked at Hammond who wore a surprised and slightly hurt grimace at my sudden retreat. I knew I must have looked like a deer in headlights. Green eyes big with sadness and frustration. Hammond’s eyebrows furrowed like they always did when he was confused, his mouth slightly hanging open like he wanted to say something but didn’t dare to do it. I broke our gaze and backed up against the car door.

“I think I’ll sleep alone.” I’d turned around and almost opened the door when his hand captured my wrist. 

“No. You won’t.”

I turned around, surprised at his stern tone. He wasn’t angry at me. But rather… hurt? 

“I…” I started to speak but got lost in trying to explain something I didn’t want to explain. He placed two curved fingers under my chin which made me look up again and meet his gaze. His face mirrored hurt and frustration, eyebrows still furrowed and mouth in a straight line. I wanted to break our gaze again but fought against it and gulped as he carefully swirled away a lock of hair that had gotten in my face.

“Sorry…” He whispered and cupped my face with soft hands. “Please stay with me… just… just stay… if there’s anything… anything that you want to talk about… I’m here okay? You know that… and I can see that there’s something that troubles you.”

I nodded, grateful of his concern and smiled to him, but I could feel my heart racing and blood pounding in my ears. His face broke up in a smile and the laughing wrinkles in the corners of his eyes made their appearance. I couldn’t do this anymore. All the hiding and lies I’ve had to do in my life. I didn’t want any of it anymore. I took a hold of his hands and clasped our fingers together. The golden band on his ring finger and the smaller band on his pinkie were cold against my skin. I looked down at them and the light from the moon outside mirrored in the gold. Like it was preventing me from saying anything and reminding me of what I was doing. Here goes. I gulped. 

“Hammond I… I think…” He looked into my eyes. Oh how much I loved his eyes, and the locks of hair that currently fell over his forehead and covered the traces of age he had there. “Oh Krishna, forgive me.” 

I cleared my throat and met his gaze. “I think I’m falling for you…” I mumbled and looked away, tears burning in my eyes. This was it. The finish line. Silence. Hammond let go of my hands and but I left mine in my lap, gaping open from where he had held onto them. Hot tears were already splashing down on them and I suppressed the need to start sobbing by taking a shaky breath. I could imagine how yesterday will go. I’ll be thrown out somewhere along the road. Everyone will be disgusted with me and finally see the whore I’ve always been. 

They’ll laugh on the way home about the foolish girl who thought she could become something, who thought she could love someone, who’d seen the light at the end of the tunnel only to discover it was a train coming at her. Hammond would go back to his family and maybe sometimes, but only sometimes, think about the whore girl he met once and tried to save only to have her fall in love with him. 

Disgusting, filthy whore. But it was a step I had to take. If I hadn’t said anything it would only get worse and I’d rather be thrown out and never talk to Hammond again than always live in his presence and know that I couldn’t do anything about it.  
I sobbed once before I took a deep breath and reached for the door handle but once again got stopped by his hand around my wrist. “I said… stay?”

I gasped and looked up, not believing the word I’d just heard. He was smiling at me, warmly. His hand brushed away the tears from my cheeks and I… I didn’t know what to do. ‘Stay?’ 

Hammond sighed, slumped and then just said, “Oh bloody hell.”

He cupped my face again and pressed his lips upon mine. His lips were soft… oh so soft and if I wouldn’t have gotten so shocked I’d have been better prepared. But this? Hammond, who had a wife and kids and a home? I froze at the thought of it and though the contact of lips to lips only lasted for five seconds, it felt like forever. 

Hammond was just about to pull away and as a last resort softly nibbled on my bottom lip with a sigh which got me back to my senses. Guilt and any other thoughts and feelings disappeared and I closed my eyes, locked my fingers behind his neck and crawled up on his knees faster than he could register. 

Only a small gasp sounded from his parted lips before I caught them and pulled at the hair on the back of his head, forcing him to open his mouth. His hair was soft and I threaded my fingers through it, scraping my fingernails against his scalp at the back of his head. He gasped again at the feeling, his mouth hot and desperate, hands roaming along my arms, collarbone, breasts and stomach. 

Our tongues twisted and turned and I felt like I was on fire. His taste and smell consumed me, surrounded me and ate me up from the inside. I felt warm, bubbly even, and let out a shaky pant over his lips. Every cell and fiber in my body craved his lips upon mine, his fingers now combing my hair with quick but soft motions and his tongue playing alongside with mine. 

I let out a shaky moan and pressed my forehead against his, pressing down onto his lap. I wanted all of him, to disappear into his mind and soul. For us to be one. My right hand let go of his neck and traveled down his throat, over his collarbone, clothed chest, toned stomach which clenched at my touch and stopped at his pants. I cupped his length and drank in the sound he made, his head hitting the car seat and a moan escaping his mouth. 

“Hush hush… Jeremy, James and Andy might still be out there.” 

A look of panic swept over Hammonds face but I cupped his chin and kissed him again. “Don’t worry.” I took of his jacket so that he only sat in a t-shirt and pants. “I’ll take care of you,” I whispered against his lips and cupped him through the pants again. He gasped and bit down on his knuckle to cover up the loud moans that broke free from his kiss swollen lips and I started to rub, softly but quickly. Arousal made my stomach jolt and I gasped at the wonderful feeling. The pants he wore weren’t very thick and I could feel a response almost immediately. I’d done this a thousand times. Seducing. But never ever had I done it in a way that I, myself, enjoyed too. 

He licked his lips and began to kiss, lick and bite his way around my neck and collarbone, sucking on the area just below my chin and I pushed a hand over my mouth to stifle the large moan that escaped my lips. My body responded in time with his own and as the thicker and bigger he grew, the wetter I became. I zipped down his pants, impatient and hungry after more.

“Oh fuck,” he gasped out and I slid down to the small space between Hammond’s legs, the driver’s seat pressed against my back, forcing me to sit up right. I stroked his cock a few times before also Hammond got impatient too, and jiggled out of his pants. I gasped. He was so beautiful. All of him. I watched him as I stroke down his length, squeezing a little harder when at the top and loosening my grip slightly at the bottom.

The sounds and faces of pure pleasure he did made me feel drunk and I swallowed before licking on the head and over the slit. His reaction was just what I’d hoped for. He pressed his hand over his mouth to cover up a big moan and then looked down at me.

“Fuck… you’re… you’re so beautiful,” he gasped between the words and lifted his hand to comb away some hair from my face, eyes at half-mast and arousal flushing his cheeks. Gorgeous. 

“May I?” I asked with my breath in my throat and licked slowly down the vein on the underside of his length. He’d reached full hardness now and I doubted he would last much longer. He gasped out almost sobbing.

“Only… only if you want to”

I licked my lips and swallowed down as much as I could in one go. “Bloody… fuck,” he moaned out, forgetting to cover up what he was feeling anymore and no longer caring about anyone hearing us. I didn’t either, but instead focused on giving Hammond the best blowjob he’d had in months… hell, the best one he’d ever had. I hollowed my cheeks and sucked, the musky taste of him running down my throat. 

My tongue pressed up against the underside of his cock and I licked my way up to the slit, where I dipped the tip of my tongue. I could feel myself soaking but didn’t care. Instead I went down on him again, sucking and licking around the head, and bobbing up and down, testing my limits of how far down my throat he could go before I couldn’t breathe. “I… Aradhana… I… I’m coming.” 

I only paused to let him go, releasing him with a loud pop that made his eyes cloud over.  
“Don’t care.”

He moaned at my answer and I watched as his brows furrowed, mouth open with breaths coming out in hard gasps, eyes closed and chest rising and falling quickly.  
My nose nuzzled at the dark hair around the base and I breathed on the tip before taking him in my mouth again. My eyes never left his face and when he came, he did so forcefully. Spurts of white come filled my mouth faster than I could swallow. His hands clenched on the tight material of the Mini’s backseat. 

I could feel some of it dripping down the corner of my mouth. Normally I’d wipe it off with the back of my hand like I just had a great meal or spit it out if the one I sucked of didn’t mind. This however… I scooped up some with my finger and placed it in my mouth in just the right time for Hammond to see. This moment… I wanted to take with me forever. I gently tucked him back in his pants. He was still panting hard, and I swept away some hair that had fallen into his face before saying, “Now, let’s never ever do this again or even talk about it”

Hammond looked over at me with that smile I loved so much. “I think you forgot… you confessed your love for me… so even if you don’t want to… we need to talk. But first, I want to take care of you too.” 

He placed his hands on the hem of my dress but I stopped him. “Not happening.”  
I put up one hand as a clear ‘stop right there’ and poked him in the chest with the other. “I sucked you off, fine. I kissed you first, fine. I am the baddie. You don’t do anything that will involve cheating; I will be the one responsible if anyone, Krishna save us, finds out.” Hammond looked like he’d seen a ghost when I mentioned his wife. My guess was that he’d forgotten about her entirely. But now the truth of what had happened was in the open. He gulped and looked down at my swollen lips, pink dusted his cheeks and he looked down for a few seconds, before sighing and meeting my gaze.

“Thank you,” he said with a genuine smile and once again I appreciated the sincerity he radiated. I nodded and smiled back. Hammond leaned down on the back seats. “Come here.” 

I cuddled up against his chest and he laid his arm around me before kissing the top of my head and mumbled, “Good night, love.” I sighed and held onto him tighter. “Good night.”

We held on to each other that night, like so many others. But this wasn’t any other night. We’d both gone way too far. But what was done was done. I didn’t regret a second of it even though I knew that I should be miserable with guilt. What we’d just done could ruin everything for Hammond; his career, family and life. But at that moment none of it was on either of our minds. We were both trying to live in the false sense of security we still had.  
………………


	8. The morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know its been long, but now I'm back on track with writing, working and living :) I hope you enjoy this (short) chapter, the next one will be uploaded in a few hours :)   
> Much love!

….

“You look… way too happy…”

Jeremy said with squinted, tired eyes as he staggered toward us still wrapped half and holding tight onto his blanket with one hand and a steaming hot plastic cup of coffee in the other. Hammond put on a poker face, shrugged and was just about to say something to his defense when James’s voice piped up where he got out from his own tent.

“Morning!”

‘Why weren’t we given a tent?’ I thought and then immediately thought of the non-existing walls a tent had and got very happy that we slept in the Mini.

“How can one look too happy?” James asked before getting into view of Hammonds face and squinted he too.

“Oh, well yes, he certainly does.” 

“And I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hammond said before he scurried off toward his Mini and I was close to follow but Jeremy stopped me with a cough.

“Aradhana…” he said with a very deep “grown up’s” voice. I stopped dead in my track and made sure to know where Hammond had gone off too before I clasped my hand together and put on my best smile.

“Yes?” I said, dragging out the ‘E’ to show how much I clearly didn’t want him to ask what I knew he wanted to know. Jeremy didn’t change his facial expression that right now said something like ‘I wish I was home with my wife and my kids and would wake up an hour later in my king-sized bed I hate my job sometimes’.

“Why is Hammond so bloody happy? The first thing he does when he gets out of his car is take a deep breath and smile to all of us. His car broke down yesterday. It’s finished! Done! And it seems like he thinks the whole world is filled with rainbows and big fluffy pink clouds. The Hammond I know is happy that he got to do some bloody camping but look,”  
Jeremy rattled his pillow. “It’s filled with rocks. I had to sleep on a pillow with rocks in it. No one can be happy after a night like that. And you slept in the car, wasn’t it cold?

“Well… umm… yes a little,” I answered and felt my cheeks heat. After what had happened last night neither Hammond nor I were very cold.

“So please tell me… what happened?”

“He jacked off in the backseat,” I said without hesitation. Jeremy and James’s mouth flew open and I continued spinning on my white lie.

“What?” Jeremy blinked at me with tired eyes and I didn’t know if he asked because he wanted me to repeat what I’d just said or because he just couldn’t understand that his co-worker could be involved in anything sexually. I made sure to cover both alternatives.

“He told me that he needed some release after what had happened and I said I didn’t mind before going in the front seat. He jacked off while I tried to figure out how his phone was working,” I lied and fought away memories of the sounds he made when I went down on him. How he looked when he came, completely lost in pleasure. I could feel my cheeks flush again and heard Jeremy sigh.

“Sorry that you had to go through all that trouble,” he said with a grimace. But then he suddenly chuckled. “He didn’t last very long I bet. Or he had really big problems getting it up since it was so cold. Oh, and I hope he wasn’t very loud. It wouldn’t surprise me if he were. He’s quite a handful.”

I snorted and chuckled. ‘If he only knew’ I thought before covering my amusement with a fake cough and a waving hand. “I’m just fine, but I won’t tell you two anything because I know all of you three good enough now that everything I’ll say to you both will be held against Hammond, whatever it is. The jacking off didn’t bother me as much as you might think… Sexual things were the main thing I did for a living if you remember my last profession?”

That shut Jeremy up and pink flushed his cheeks. Jeremy muttered a small “Yes, forgive me.”

Before they joined up with Andy who, together with three from the crew, tried to start a fire to warm their hands and get the sleepiness out of their bodies.  
I went off to Hammond who stood and watched while a mechanic tried to fix his Mini. He greeted me with a smile and whispered.

“Sorry that I left you with those two, what did you say?”

“That you jacked off last night whilst I was sitting on the front seat and that’s why you’re so in a better mood today.”

Hammond choked on his own breath and I patted his back while chuckling. The mechanic didn’t even look up from the bodywork he was now trying to rearrange so that it wouldn’t look so bad.

“You did what?” Hammond said in a rather loud whisper, eyebrows raised but he gave me an amused smile.

“Just go with it, love.” I blinked at him and he snorted before grabbing a hold of me and pressed me to his chest. The wind was much warmer now than last night and as soon as we would get down a few hundred meters I knew it would be much hotter. So I took every excuse I could to press up against his body and bury my face in the crook of his neck.

I breathed in his scent and smiled with content when his hand stroked my back which, since we got out of the car, was now covered with one of Hammond’s spare jackets. It went down to my mid thighs and I was happy that something covered up my bum from freezing in the rather harsh winds.

“Meeting! Can everyone involved with Top Gear please come closer,” Andy shouted about 50 meters away. Scattered people from all over the place we’d been camping at forced themselves up, most of them still covered in blankets and everyone, Andy too, held on to a cup of steamy substance – coffee, tea or soup – I didn’t know.

“Thank you, now today is pretty much the last day of filming. We need something good, golden and perfect! That’s why we’re going this route,” Andy circulated over a map with his hands so quickly that the beverage in his mug threatened to spill over. He followed a marked road with his pinky for all to see. Hums of agreement and understanding were heard.

“Good no questions, let’s get going as fast as we can!”

The mechanic was just done and we met him as he walked to his truck.

“Your car smells funny,” he said with a rich Scottish accent and a wink. I blushed with Hammond standing as a question mark.

“Oh Krishna,” I said and sat down on the passenger’s side, and couldn’t help myself from inhaling a few times through my nose. I looked over at Hammond who’d done the same and started laughing.

“I see…” he said and the tips of his ears tingled red. The car smelled indeed. Hammond gazed back at the backseat before he unbuttoned his pants to look down his briefs.

“Oh,” I laughed even harden and clutched my stomach.

“It hurts,” I laughed and tried to calm down. Hammond chuckled.

“Bloody hell… let’s just go.  
……………


	9. Goodbye India

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay new chapter *happy dance*   
> This chapter contains bits of hindi and I tried and tried and I apologize if I got everything or even anything wrong! Please correct me if I did :)

….

We continued to be off road, just driving about toward the border of China. If we didn’t meet any other village, we’d have to go back. But it seemed that luck was on our side because just one hour later from our camp we came across some teens playing an Indian version of cricket. Jeremy and the producers came up with the idea of using Jeremy’s Jaguar to shoot away balls and cans up high in the sky for the teens to hit with baseball bats when they came down again.

The producers jumped in as players from Britain and it became a good time. I laughed at the silliness of the game. It was foolish and so very boyish but at the same time brilliant. Hammond clasped my hand and embraced me for a few minutes before it was his turn to play. A boy in my age had checked me out a few times when he waited for his turn to hit the flying cans. When the game had ended the Indian teenagers had won and the cameramen yelled.

“Cut, thank you!”

The boy approached me slowly and I felt unsure. I looked around for Hammond but couldn’t see him. Still, I put on a good smile and tried to not think of how cornered I felt. 

“Hē” (Hey)

He replied and bowed a little. In India this was very uncommon and only happened if you wanted to impress on someone that was spiritually or royally higher than yourself. Needless to say, I got surprised.

“Usa kē li’ē kō’ī zarūrata nahī” (no need for that)

I said and smiled gently. The boys met my eyes and asked with surprised voice.

“Tō āpa tō ēka rājakumāri nahī hai?” (So you’re not a princess then?)

I laughed.

“Kō’ī mujhē mērē basa hūm” (No, I’m just me)

“Tō calō hamē´sā kē li’ē ēka hō jānē” (then let’s be one forever)

The boy held out his hand with a smile but I shook my head and rejected his hand.

“Mai, mai pyāra mē hūm nahī kara sakatē” (I can’t, I’m in love)

The boy’s eyebrows raised and he took a step back, a bit embarrassed.

”Usakē sātha?” (With him?)

The boy pointed at Hammond and I nodded.

“Lēkina vaha tumhē vāpasa pyāra nahī karatē” (But he doesn’t love you back)

“No, he doesn’t…”

I answered in English and the boy gave me a strange look, confused by the words he didn’t understand. I caught Hammond’s gaze and watched as his face changed from happiness to concern. He excused himself from one of the crewmembers he’d been talking to and hurried over to me. He took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze while the other rested on my hip.

“Are you ok?” He glanced at the boy who greeted him with a grin that was on the edge of provocative.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Vaha tumē pyāra cāhatē hai, tō vaha sirpha apanē hātha pakaa kē bajāya āpa cūmā thā” (if he’d loved you he’d kiss you instead of just holding your hand)

The boy’s voice had turned from gentle and warming to sinister and taunting and his words cut through me like knives and even though the feeling of Hammond’s lips on mine lingered from last night, I still couldn’t help but feeling hurt.

“Aisā mata kahō” (Don’t say so)

I answered and clasped my hand with Hammond’s. But it wasn’t enough.

“Aaah… Aura vaha bhī nahī hai ‘sādī kara lī hai? (Ohhh…and he’s married too, isn’t he?)

The boy pointed towards the golden band around Hammond’s ring finger. I nodded.

“Tō yahām mērē sātha rahanē kē li’ē?” (Then stay here with me?)

The boy determinedly stretched out his hand again for me to accept his proposal. I looked at him with disgust, angry that he couldn’t just leave me.

“Let’s go,” I said to Hammond and dragged him away from the courtyard and around the corner of one of the houses a few metres away. I’d hoped that the boy was intelligent to stay away. But he followed and kept on terrorizing me.

“Mai, āpakō pahalē hī usē banda cūsā gayā hai ´sarta” (I bet you’ve sucked him off already.)

The boy nodded as to convince me of his words while he licked his lips and then continued while Hammond held onto my hand, clasping them, deaf to the conversation that happened in front of him. 

“Mai āpa apanē vē´syā rahē hai… vaha bhī āpa ga aba a kara diyā hai ´sarta?” (I bet he’d fucked you too… are you his whore?)

I choked on my own breath and felt tears burning behind my eyelids. This had gone way too far.

“Cupa hō jā’ō!” (Shut up!) 

Hammond let me go and took a step forward toward the boy after my shouting, hand clasped in a firm fist but I stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He gave me a surprised look that immediately changed to anger when he saw the tears in my eyes. He turned to the boy again and I saw his jawmuscles press together from frustration and anger.

“Hammond…Kiss me…”

Hammond turned towards me, a mixture of shock and slight amusement playing in his eyes and mouth and I repeated myself.

“Kiss me. He’s trying to force me to marry him and now he’s mocking me and you. Displays of affection make people uncomfortable.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

I glanced at the boy next to us before checking of there was anybody watching. “Then it’s worth it anyway?”

I splayed my hands over his chest and let them slid up his neck with featherlike touches. He shuddered.

“Aradhana…”

“I love you,” I cut him off and he swallowed and cupped my face. I looked into his eyes and found the sparkling in there that we both felt yesterday. I pressed my body against his and gave him a small smile.

“Do you know how much else I would have let you done to me yesterday if we were somewhere else?”

He let out a shaky breath.

“Imagine it?” I whispered over his open mouth, my eyes down to half mast.  
Hammond gasped softly and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs gently. The sparkle in his eyes turned into a prying flame and I licked my lips before I let my hands run through his hair. I leaned in.

“Now, kiss me?”

A small growl erupted from his throat. He took me into his arms as our lips met for the second time. His hands ran up and down my arms before hooking around my waist, pressing my body against his. Our hipbones crashed against each other but I was too drunk on his taste to notice. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip before nibbling softly at it like Hammond had done to me yesterday.

Another almost predatory groan escaped from those experienced lips and I gasped at his voice. This was so much more aggressive than last night and I loved it. I sneaked my tongue past his lips and pulled on his hair. Our tongues slipped against each other and I gasped. If this was how it felt every time I kissed him, I knew I would never get enough.  
I turned my gaze toward the boy. He looked terrified and I waved when he turned around and started jogging away from us.

I chuckled in between our kisses and Hammond joined me while his hands combed through the tips of my hair. He gave me two final pecks on the lips before we separated, both breathing heavily and he let go of my hair to softly caress my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

I felt happy, warm and fuzzy on the inside. If this was love, I could never feel guilty for feeling it. I leaned my head against his shoulder and Hammond rested his arms around my waist. We fell into each other’s arms and stood there against the wall of the house for a good ten minutes, our hearts thumping and chests rising and sinking. It was peaceful and calm. Until a voice penetrated the silence.

“HAMMOND!!”

Hammond rolled his eyes but didn’t make an effort to separate us and answer the voices.

“Just 5 more minutes,” he groaned and I giggled.

The whole thing would be gold for the views. To leave the three cars on the border of China and India, at the edge of the mountain was the perfect end to the journey in India. My home country…

I would soon leave it. Not knowing what would happen. Hammond had showed me where he lived on a map at the airport, on the other side of the earth. I was scared, but I was more ready than ever and when I bordered the plane with shaky steps, Hammond took a hold of my hand and promised everything would be ok. The evening air sent chills down my spine as I turned around once more and took the last deep breaths from the country that had given birth to me, fed me and raised me. Loved me and then hated me. Spitted me out for me to take care of myself.

I would leave my parents. The house I grew up in. Forever… Because I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want to think about my old life anymore. Still tears swelled up in my eyes and I took a harder grip of the bag I was holding that contained the things I’d brought with me when I met Hammond, Jeremy and James.

I felt a slight tug on my hand and a butterfly light kiss touched my knuckles. I turned around and swallowed. It felt like a big lump had taken up place in my throat and I had to swallow again and again to stop myself from sobbing.

“Are you ready?” he asked with a small smile. I took a very last deep breath and cleared my throat.

“Yes… I think I am.” I gave him a smile through my tears and let him lead me into the plane to our seats. He softly wiped away my tears and kissed my hand again.

“You’ll be just fine, you’re safe with me.”

I clasped our hands and whispered, “I love you.”

“I know,” he said and pressed his lips to my hand one last time before the plane took off, not only from India but into a new life and a new world for me.  
……………

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the love I've recieved on part 1! ^^ <3 I'm excited to continue this story and hope that you will continue to read it ^^


	10. Take flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! God, I'm so so so so so sorry for being away for so long. Summer has been hella busy for me but now we're going towards darker times (well at least in Sweden) which calls for writing, tea and cuddling with cats, whoo!
> 
> This is the first chapter on part 2: Hold me.

….  
   
The flight start was horrible. I really thought I was going to die. I looked out the window as soon as we got airborne but quickly closed my eyes again as the ground down below got smaller and smaller. I felt sick and the tears that now had dried in my eyes threatened to make an appearance again. I gasped as my ears felt locked tight and I wanted it to go away desperately.  
   
“It’s okay love.” Hammond’s voice broke the enchantment and I leaned onto his shoulder. He stroked my hair and kissed my temple while hushing. “I forgot that this was your first time on a plane. The pressure you feel in your ears will disappear. You’ll be okay.”  
   
I swallowed a few times and soon enough the feeling disappeared. I inhaled deeply as the plane continued forward in a nice horizontal direction. Hammond winked at me. “Told you so.”  
   
He made himself comfortable in the seat. I looked out the window again with suspicious, half closed eyes but this time I was struck by the beauty of the scenery outside. I gasped and grabbed Hammond’s thigh hard in excitement while pointing out the window.  
   
“Ouch.” He doubled over a little and I released him but put on a big smile, knowing that he had reacted more on the feeling of my small hand clenching his leg than the actual pain of the action, still pointing out the window.  
   
“Sorry… but look, look!”

“Hmm…” Hammond tried to look un-amused at what I had done before he leaned over the hand rest slightly to look out the window. “That’s quite a vision.”

“It is…” I said now almost breathless as my gaze wandered from right to left, up and down as far as my eye could reach. The sky was an explosion of colours, from the brightest yellow, to the fiery red and the darkest black. The clouds underneath us and above us were all painted orange, like fire. The sun was just a dark yellow dot in the horizon but his long beams stretched far beyond on the night sky. Far above us was darkness and the deep, deep void of space.  
   
I looked over at Hammond again with a big smile. But he wasn’t watching the sunset, his eyes were fixated on something on his phone and for a moment I felt stupid for reacting the way I did. He was a famous TV program presenter and journalist. He must have seen thousands of sunsets like the one outside the thick plane window.  
   
“Beautiful, huh?” I said before I wetted my lips and let my hair cover my embarrassment. But then to my surprise Hammond clasped our hands again. I met his gaze. He wasn’t looking down at his phone anymore but at me, a grin made his eyes sparkle dangerously.  
   
“She is.” I blinked and my brain had to process what he’d just said. He hadn’t given the beautiful sight outside as much as a gaze. Had he been watching… me… when he said that ‘the scenery was quite a vision’?  
   
“I…”

“You are.” We both were quite familiar with giving each other compliments by now and yet… after four weeks I still felt completely stricken with the thought of him telling everything he said from his heart.  
   
Two women from the cabin service interrupted us. We immediately unclasped our hands and moved a few inches away from each other just before one of them peeked in at our seats with her glove covered hands clasped.  
   
“Hello sweetheart, you must be Ara…” One of them said with a kind and questioning smile.  
   
“Aradhana,” I said and stretched out my hand for her to shake.  
   
“Andrea,” she presented herself and smiled bigger. She was pretty, in her late 20s with brown hair in a ponytail and precisely painted face, her blue eyes smiled together with her lips and I appreciated the genuine truthiness behind that smile.  
   
“Nice to meet you Aradhana and of course, you too Mr. Hammond.” She stretched out her hand to shake his too before asking, “Anything I can get you? Coffee? Tea? Soft drinks? Supper will be served at 7.”  
   
Hammond looked over at my considering face and knowing better what I wanted by now, he simply said, “She’ll have tea, chamomile if you have that and I’ll just have coffee. Thank you.”

“Coming right up.”  
   
A few seconds passed before our hands found each other again and Hammond did a quick sweep up and down the walking corridor. He leaned in close and whispered, “I think she fancies you.”  
   
I looked at him with surprise. “What, really?” I asked with confusion. Girls could have those kinds of feelings towards each other?  
   
“Girls can have those feelings… Boys too,” Hammond said like he’d just read my thoughts. Slight panic and confusion of what I was going to do with that piece of information overtook me when Andrea got back with her drinks. I made up my mind to pay much more interest in her actions and movements to see if there was any truth in Hammond’s statement.  
   
She served Hammond first, not even giving him a second glance, only making sure that he wouldn’t drop his coffee when she handed it to him. Then it was my tea. It smelled wonderful and already calmed my senses.  
   
“Here you go,” she said with a smile and handed it to me with soft but knowing hands, careful not to spill anything.  
   
“Like I said, supper will be served in one hour by 7. If there is anything else I can get for you or if you have any questions, just press the red service button and I’ll be here to help you in a jiffy!”  
   
I smiled back at her. “Thank you,” I said and sipped on my tea carefully. When Andrea got out of hearing distance Hammond raised one eyebrow and gave me a look that clearly said ‘I told you so’.  
   
“What? I didn’t notice anything different,” I said, rolling my eyes and went back to my tea. I could see how he tried to suppress a smile in the corner of my eye.  
   
“I swear. She’s acting just like the girls in Kamathipura.”  
   
I made a grimace and continued. “Maybe it’s a service thing?”  
   
This time Hammond was the one making a face before sinking down in the seat again and said, “She didn’t pass me a second glance”

“No I know but…” I silenced, not knowing what I was going to say. I sighed before I followed Hammond’s example and sunk back in the seat too. I gazed down at our clasped hands. Mine with just slightly more sun kissed and darker skin than his. His golden rings once again reminded me of our fucked up relationship and I looked away and out the window again.  
   
The sun was still up but several stars had popped up on the dark carpet of the universe above our heads. I’ve spent many hours thinking about those two golden bands Hammond wore. How it always seemed like they were watching me and recorded every move I made on his body.  
   
I fixated them with my gaze again where they rested against the area where the palm of my hand met my fingers. They shined back at me in the reflection of the cabin light and I suddenly got angry. What was this deal with the cabin woman anyway? Just by holding my hand and kissing me, holding me with the same hand that wore the ring of eternal promise and faith he’d already sinned more than I had.  
   
“Why do you care if she fancies me anyway?” I asked him and let go of his hands, the coldness from those two golden rings felt like it had burned me. I fixated my eyes at my shoes. I sat with one leg over the other and my foot swung back and forth restlessly.  
   
“Why do you care?” I asked again and crossed my arms over my chest in what I knew was a very childish action. Because that was how I felt. Like a child who was jealous of that new girl who immediately stole glances and blew kisses toward the boy you fancied. Envious and jealous. Except that the roles were reversed. I was the new girl. I was the one who had stolen Hammond from his wife. I was the one responsible.  
   
“You know I love you,” I whispered; just loud enough for him to hear. He sighed and I could hear him gulping down his coffee. My own tea was in front of me, half of it left and slowly cooling off in the room temperature of the plane.  
Hammond stood up and stretched his arms above his head. “Come.”  
   
I looked at his outstretched hand and wondered if I should kill my curiosity and follow him or give him the pleasure of me walking after him like a dog. 

“Come on, we need to talk and there’s too many people here.” He waved his fingers in a ‘come here’ gesture and when I met his eyes he gave me a big grin before blinking secretively. I rolled my eyes and suppressed a smile before taking his hand.  
 


	11. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters at one evening! oh well ;)

....

He led me into the far back where a drape covered the connections between the passengers to the cabin ladies. Currently, there was no one there and I thought we’d stop where we were but no. There was a toilet and to be fair I was uncertain if I wanted to know how Hammond had found out that the cabin ladies toilet is larger than the passengers. Because it was. At least enough for us both to be standing up without standing on top of each other. If so only an inch. He was still dangerously too close for my liking if we were to have a serious conversation. Which we apparently wouldn’t have either.  
   
As soon as the door was locked, he cupped my face and pressed our lips together in what I predicted would be a hard clash. But oh, how gentle he was when our lips touched.  
His actions were demanding and hungry, his tongue sweeping across my bottom lip before licking its way inside my mouth. But at the same time he was taking his time, like he was drinking a fine wine or eating a delicate and expensive pastry.  
   
I sobbed out a gasp as his smell surrounded me; his mouth consumed me and I could still taste the coffee he had just gulped down. I pulled his hair and panted over his lips, thrusting my body closer to his. He let out a moan of content when I did so and kissed me like I was the air he needed to breathe. I felt dizzy and held onto his shoulder like a schoolgirl who was just having her first kiss. We separated in what seemed like slow motion and I blinked a few times.  
   
“I love you,” I breathed out in hot puffs of air over his lips. He smiled and placed butterfly kisses in the corner of my mouth, on my forehead and temple before pressing me close to his chest. His hand stroked my hair and I locked my arms around him too, inhaling the scent of him while closing my eyes.  
   
“I know, I know you do, love.”  
   
I sighed, leaned my head against his chest and enjoyed the feeling of his thumping heart marching alongside mine. I wanted this to last forever. “Then why do you kiss me? Not that I’m complaining, you know that.”  
   
Chuckles bubbled from his chest and he ran his fingers through my hair which made me look up and meet his eyes. He gave me a sad smile. “Because I’m a selfish, greedy bastard? Because you are what I’ve missed in my relationship for the last five years? Because you’re absolutely gorgeous and the one who always got me in a better mood this whole trip when everything felt hopeless and I once again questioned what kind of father I really am?”  
   
He shrugged and I looked away but he placed two fingers under my chin and forced me to catch his gaze. “Or maybe it’s because I can’t feel an ounce of guilt or regret when I’m standing here in front of you.”  
   
He placed a lock of hair, which had gotten in my face, behind my ear and gave me another sad smile while his brows furrowed. He sighed, swallowed and then said slowly like he was afraid that he’d stumble over his own words, “And I know I should be feeling regret, I know it should be eating me up on the inside because I do… love Mindy. I love the girls she bore and then brought to this world. She is the down to earth person I need to survive. Literally survive. Our house would be in ruins if she hadn’t helped out but…”  
   
He paused and let go of me, scratching the back of his head before pinching his nose, unsure of how he could explain himself. He sighed before smacking his lips and then met my gaze again. His eyes reflected frustration, confused of his own feelings and trying to explain them.  
   
“You are… the one who feeds my soul, you are… the water I drink and the food I’m eating. I… I would have had a hard time going through this trip if it weren’t for you; you know that, but… Mindy is… Mindy is still… my wife.”  
   
I nodded and tried to lean back, only there wasn’t any room and I had to keep standing too close to him.  
   
“I… so… desperately wish that it will be easy and that I can love you both but I just…”

“No,” I interrupted and was careful to not smack him when my hand went up to stop his speech.  
   
“Please don’t. I understand. You don’t love me. I really appreciate your sincerity. It was the main reasons to why I…” I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest. My gaze wandered everywhere except on his face and eyes. I rested them on our shoes and continued, “To why I fell in love with you. I… I want us to be the way we are… or were, you know since we can’t go around and kiss when we get home.”  
   
Hammond cleared his throat and winched but frankly I didn’t care. I placed my head against the wall behind me, eyes watching the ceiling now, still with my arms determinedly crossed.  
   
“I just want… to love you. To just feel… everything that I’m feeling now. Happiness, content, safety, affection. You don’t have to do anything… just… be who you are.”  
   
He grabbed a hold of me and locked my arms against my body. Chuckles escaped his lips again as he stroked down my back. “Love… is a very strong word”  
   
I smiled against his shoulder. “Then love is what I feel for you”  
   
………………

The rest of the ride went on quietly. We’d received some funny glances when we stumbled out from the cabin ladies’ bathrooms but no one asked any questions. Hammond got his good share of raised eyebrows, slanted eyes and mouths pressed into thin lines. He tried to explain how we had to talk and needed privacy which most bought but not as many as he’d hoped. Both agreed on the fact that we’d acted very sloppy.  
   
We sat down in our seats and immediately got served sandwiches and beverages of different kinds. Another hour passed, night clouded over like a thick blanket and we cuddled up next to each other just like any other night. My head was resting on his shoulder while he rested his on mine. Our fingers clasped together underneath the blankets as necessary sleep overtook us.


	12. Reassurance

….  
   
When we woke up six hours later at two in the morning we had a very small breakfast, toast and tea, before there was only an hour left of the plane ride. I was getting nervous. The kind of nervous I’d gotten on the train between Bombay and Jaipur in what felt like a lifetime ago.  
   
Hammond held my hand and kissed my knuckles to comfort me for the hundredth time. I loved it when he did that. It was such a small and innocent gesture to do and yet meant so very much for me. Especially when it felt like my heart was on its way to thump out of my chest.  
   
“It will be just fine, love.”  
   
“You know that you’ll need a good explanation if you call me that in front of your wife.” I giggled and Hammond made a grimace.  
   
“No, but seriously everything…” He got interrupted by his phone ringing. I flinched slightly, surprised by the sudden noise.  
   
“Sorry.” He gave me a smile.  
   
“Hey sweetheart…”  
   
I looked away. Was he talking to his wife or one of his daughters? I didn’t really want to know and released my hand from his. He gave me a small pout and I stuck out my tongue before turning to watch out the window. It was too cloudy to see much but I could see small glints of light far, far below. Hammond sighed shortly at the person on the phone but smiled and his words were soft and affectionate.  
   
“I’ve missed you so much… you know that, right? Oh, and you remember that I brought a friend from India? Yes, her…yes, for crying out loud, be gentle with me… What? Oh yes, thank you. You’re a pearl. I love you.” He closed his phone and I gave him a look that clearly explained how much unamused I was with the situation. I wasn’t angry at him. I could never be angry. I just hoped that the world he’d been living in with his wife wouldn’t crash too hard into the world he’d been living in with me for the last four weeks.  
   
“Please don’t be mad at me, love.”  
   
“I told you that you can’t call me that now, you have to get used to call me my name. Do you remember it? Ar-ad-ha-na,” I said with a flat voice. 

Hammond pouted again and I sighed. “I’m not mad at you, but you… you have to be careful.”  
   
A devilish smile made his eyes sparkle. “But I can’t… You…” He made a dramatic pause and I raised my eyebrows. “Are going to live with us.”

“I… what?” I furrowed my eyebrows and wasn’t sure if I wanted him to repeat what he’d just said or if I’d gotten crazy.  
   
“Well… until you get on your own feet… which covers education, a job and an apartment.”  
   
Suddenly panic washed over me in waves. I froze and let go of his hand. It struck me like a lightning that England was a country where all those things mattered and was expected from you. It wasn’t going to be the dance on roses we’d been experiencing for the last couple of weeks. My hands fisted the material of my churidar and I inhaled deeply to control my breathing. “But I…”  
   
Money! How was I going to afford anything? I swallowed deeply and knew I was going into a panic attack. But Hammond interrupted it by grabbing my arms and made me look at him. A smile played on his lips and my mouth fell open. Why was he smiling? Couldn’t he see how bad I was feeling?  
   
“How much do you think I make in one year, love? Come on, take a guess.”  
   
He just kept on smiling and I almost got angry at him. But I took a deep breath and tried to remember the amount of audience the TV-show had. I shook my head and cleared my throat, unsure that my voice would work properly.  
   
“I don’t know, about a million pounds?” I guessed blindly.  
   
“Take that million times 30.” He smiled at me and my eyes got big as saucers. I sunk back in my seat, my breathing hard and uneven. Hammond chuckled.  
   
“Oh love… you honestly didn’t really think that I would bring you to the other side of the earth, foster you in my home for a while and then throw you out of the house?”  
   
I could feel my cheeks heathen because yes, that was exactly how I’d imagined it.  
   
“Oh sweetheart.” A pained grimace showed his face as he placed his arms around me and I covered up my face with my hands.  
   
“I would never, ever do that to you. I’d never ever let you do that to yourself either. I’ll take care of you… You know that.”  
   
I loved him. Krishna and all gods out there knew how much I loved him. My heart swelled and I could hear its thumping in my ears. I placed a kiss on his neck, just below his cheekbone and whispered. “I love you.”  
   
Hammond gasped softly as my lips touched him and he embraced me, holding onto my body. He inhaled deeply, nuzzling into my hair with his nose and I giggled to at the ticklish feeling.  
   
“Hello, this is your captain speaking; we will now begin our descent to Heathrow airport and I ask you to please put on your seatbelts. Thank you and best of luck with the new special guys.”  
   
“Thank you!” “Cheers!” Some of the crewmembers shouted out toward the front cabin and I smiled heartily as I put on my seatbelt. I clasped Hammond’s hand with my right hand and held the armrest in a dead grip with my left.

....


	13. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I'm back again!! :D I'll upload two chapters today as a big sorry!

….  
   
I stepped out off the plane and the first thing I noticed wasn’t the ridiculously big airport, no.  
It. Was. Cold. Like really, really cold. I was still only wearing my pink churidar with the green pants and cotton woven shoes. I shivered and Hammond offered his jacket, since his body was far more used to the cold temperature but I declined. I didn’t want Mindy to get any wrong signals as soon as she met me.  
   
We got in to the airport and even though it wasn’t the warmth I was used to, it was much better and sheltered us from the cold wind. It was crowded and Hammond grabbed my arm so I wouldn’t get lost. We walked down an escalator and I couldn’t help but stare. At everything.  
   
Hammond tried to be patient but he hadn’t seen his girls in a month and I understood so I simply followed, my gaze only resting on something for a few seconds before I registered something new. I’d never been to an airport that big before. My father had done some international jobs which forced him to travel and my mother and I said goodbye to him on a similar place.  
   
But this… I looked at all the different kinds of restaurants and the hundreds of people who swished past us as we walked towards the baggage bands. The crew, James, Jeremy and Andy, was still with us and Jeremy said next to me, “I hope we don’t have to wait, I can almost smell home again.”  
   
I chuckled at his dorky expression and excited nature. He blinked at me and smiled. We didn’t have to wait; our baggage was already on the move when we got there. Though when I say “our baggage” I meant “theirs”. The things I brought with me fitted perfectly puzzled with Hammond’s stuff in his Billingham Hadley pro bag.  
   
When everything was picked up many members of the crew almost ran down the last stair. I was afraid they were going to fall and wondered what all the fuzz was about. Until I saw what was waiting for us. Families. Crying wives and hugging children. Everyone in one big loving party. Hammond suddenly made a halt and I almost crashed into him.  
   
“Mindy…” He inhaled once and ran down the stairs too. A smiling woman with blue eyes and ginger red hair caught him when he landed in her open arms. Next to her were two girls, both with light brown hair and big smiles on their faces. It was over three in the morning now and both wore loosely fitted clothes so they could fall asleep again on the way home. Hammond cupped the woman’s face and kissed her with the love and devotion only a husband could do.  
   
I froze in my tracks for a second as Mindy held onto her husband to deepen the kiss. The bad metallic taste of blood touched my senses when I bit down my feelings on my tongue. I wanted to escape, to run away… but the figure of Hammond and my feelings for him stopped me and I swallowed down, looked down at my feet and descended the stairs.  
   
My heart clenched and I inhaled sharply but every breath felt like breathing under water. The air around me was thick and it felt like I was being choked.  
Was I surprised?  
   
This was the prize I had to pay to be near him and to love him. I knew that. I nibbled on the inside of my cheeks and did what I never thought I would have to do again. I put on the very same face I wore when I had greeted my customers just a month ago. Oh, how much I detest the way I knew I looked. Loveable, charming, gorgeous…  
   
All the feelings I didn’t feel at all. Hammond parted from his wife just as I stopped in front of them. Mindy looked embarrassed and let go of her husband, a small almost apologizing smile tugging on the corners of her lips. She grabbed his left hand before holding out her right for me to shake.  
   
Hammond on the other hand looked like he wanted to die when he met my gaze. His eyes were big like saucers and he hesitantly brought his free hand to his mouth, like he wanted wipe away the evidence of what just had happened.  
   
Brown eyes desperately searched for any discomfort in my face, anything that could indicate how hurt he knew I probably was. But he couldn’t find any. I had perfected the art of lying the very first year I lived as a whore. I shook Mindy’s hand with a smile on my lips and eyes. Her voice was crisp and focused. “Hi, I’m Mindy… and you should be Aradhana.”  
   
“Aradhana Vasanti, but you can call me Arana. It’s easier to pronounce and remember.”  
I blinked at her with a smile and she smiled with appreciation when I suggested the simplification of my name.  
   
While we had presented us, Hammond had held his daughters. He kissed them both on their foreheads before standing behind them and gently pushed them towards me to say hello. They were both beauties and wore their mother’s natural looks and fair skin, mixed with their father’s features in eye color and most likely chin bones when they grew older. I held out my hand first to the tallest who presented herself as:  
   
“Isabella, but you can call me Izzy.”  
   
And then to the other, who stared at me with amazed eyes.  
   
“You look like Yasmine from Aladdin.”  
   
I raised my eyebrows, not quite sure if I would take the comment as an assault or a compliment. Hammond chuckled. “And that’s Willow, who’s not very good at homecomings.”  
   
He ran his hand through her hair lovingly and her pale cheeks dusted pink when she held out her hand and mumbled.  
   
“Sorry miss lady, I’m Willow.”

“That’s my girl, come on now.” He took Mindy’s hand and the luggage before smiling. “Let’s go home.”  
   
We all said our goodbyes to the camera team, the producers, Andy, Jeremy and James and they said almost in unison,  
   
“Bye Aradhana, take care!”  
“Goodbye! And thank you!”  
   
I waved to them all and thanked Krishna for the opportunities he’d given me so far. We walked out and I followed behind the family of four, hands in the pockets of my churidar. They were all holding hands. The cold British air sent me back to a moment in my childhood.  
   
‘Mom, what will happen if you and daddy disappear?’  
‘Why would we do that?’  
My mother came into view every time the swing passed her. Her hair swirled in the autumn wind.  
‘I don’t know.’  
I was unsure, but I had a bad feeling in my stomach.  
‘Well… then your big brother will take care of you of course.’  
The swing went pass her again and I thought I saw tears in her eyes.  
‘Don’t cry mom, I’ll be alright.’  
   
Four years later by the clock, she was dead… 

….


	14. What happens in the garage stays in the garage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit shorter but I hope you'll enjoy it!

….  
   
Hammond wasn’t kidding when he said that any extra charges wouldn’t be a problem. We arrived at their house just before six in the morning. And when I say house, I would be nderestimating it. It was a castle and it towered above us when it came into view. I was careful not to smudge the car window with my nose but I couldn’t help but stare in awe. The girls had been sleeping the two hours it took to drive.  
   
I sat in the backseat on the left side, behind Hammond since Mindy was the one driving. I’d been shivering the whole trip. Not only because of my thin clothes and the fact that cold air kept blowing into my face from small fans on the side of the door. Not even because of the fact that Mindy hadn’t let go of her husband’s hand and I so clearly remember every time that hand had rested on mine or when we clasped our fingers.  
   
No, I was shivering mostly because I was doing something bad, and the feeling that someone could see made me excited and a bit adrenaline pumped. Hammond’s other hand had been lying next to the door and there was a small gap between the door and the passenger’s seat. Just big enough to press your hand through and big enough for me to rest my head against the window and clasp my fingers with Hammond’s. I felt so incredibly dirty doing so. Not guilty, even though his other hand rested firmly on the gearbox with Mindy’s hand clasping around the back of his hand. Never guilty for loving him. But dirty, because of what we were doing.  
   
“Arana?” Mindy said carefully, tasting my name for the first time and looked back at me. My heart almost jumped out of my throat and I quickly let go of Hammond before stretching out my arms, mostly because I was sore as hell after sitting in the same position. But also because it seemed less suspicious if I did.

She gave me a smile. “Sorry for waking you up but, we’re here.”  
   
She parked in front of a house with many, many doors to garages and my chin dropped when I looked at the sheer enormousness of it. Was it even possible to own so many vehicles? The girls woke up when the engine died and rubbed their eyes sleepily before getting out of the car and waited for their mom to do the same. I followed their example. Hammond staggered out of the car too and stretched while I took small steps on the tarmac covered ground and looked from my right to my left.  
   
“I’ll get the girls to bed; do you want something to eat?” Mindy said while taking her daughters hands.  
   
“Just tea, please,” Hammond answered and gave her a quick smile. Mindy nodded and I kept on staring. Hammond scratched his neck almost nervously. A gesture he hadn’t done since the first time I met him. An empty feeling panged through me but I chose to ignore it. He walked towards me with slow steps, swinging his feet out as he did so and his hands in his front pockets.  
   
“Do you want to see my favorite?” He asked with a smile and nodded, still baffled of the amount of vehicles in the same spot. All owned by the same family.  
   
“Why do you need so many cars?” I asked while following in Hammond’s footsteps. He laughed, clean and pure and I couldn’t help but smile. He led me to another part of the same building, on the other side.  
   
“We don’t drive all of them regularly. Some of them are for driving long rides, some for short and some like this one…”  
   
We stopped and he opened the door in front of us and a small Opel was the only car in the room. “We only own because we love it.”  
   
He stroke the mint green painted bodywork with a loving smile on his lips.  
   
“This… is Oliver and he and I travelled down Africa’s spine. Botswana. He had a rough time, we both had.” He chuckled. “And when we completed the journey I had, to be honest, fallen in love and had him resurrected and brought here.”  
   
I looked at the Opel. It was cute in a sort of dorky way and I understood that he must have had tough times going through Africa.  
   
Hammond sighed and gave the car one more gaze before he took my hand. I froze for a second. This was dangerous, very dangerous. He clasped our fingers and I met his gaze. He was close, too close to be simply friendly and I looked over at the door with a nervous grimace. But instead of letting go, Hammond placed his hand on my hip and pulled me to his body. His fingers drummed on my hip and when I met his eyes again I could only shake my head.  
   
“Really?” I asked and held up our hands. Hammond examined them by twisting our hands.  
   
“Yes… love,” He said. A challenging smile on his lips. I poked him on the chest but couldn’t help but smile.  
   
“What did I say about being careful?”

“We’re all alone right now…” He gestured into the empty space around us before cupping my face and met my gaze. I inhaled sharply. His brows were furrowed and he gave me a pained smile.  
   
“You’re gorgeous.”  
   
I blushed and pinched my nose. “Hammond…”  
   
I looked up with a serious face; he couldn’t play me like this. And his lips were upon me, pressing softly. His big, warm hand pressed against my back and forcing me even closer to him. I gasped and could feel how his heart was thumping in his chest. Our lips parted with a soft plop and I was completely breathless. Hammond smiled and put a lock of hair behind my ear before kissing my knuckles.  
   
“Let’s go?” He asked, and I swore that two devil’s horns would grow out of his head any second. Yes… he was definitely going to be the death of me. He opened the garage door to let me go first and then directed me to the main house.

....

**Author's Note:**

> Next chapter will hopefully be uploaded next week!


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